florida 9: people 1... {and your tips and tricks, please}

{this is my husband's brother and sister-in-law. i think this is one of my favorite people pics that i've ever taken. of course, i got lucky. i had beautiful subjects to work with, a beautiful setting to work in, and the lighting was perfect right at that moment. we were all just in the right place at the right time.}

hello...

lot's of things today.

first, thank you to all who left me with your thoughts about my story in my last post. hearing from you was so appreciated... especially on something like that. it's just nice to know that others would take that as a sign the way we did. it helps us know it's not so far-fetched to think that way.

second, i had said {even before the whole florida box in the road thing happened } that i would try to post some long forgotten florida pictures from last april. i thought this week would be a good time for that while i was away guest blogging for seven days with kim and p.g. i thought i could just write over there and do pictures only over here. but who am i kidding? i'm way too gabby for that!

well, here it is thursday, and i have not posted one florida pic {until now }. but after my last post, i thought it would only be fitting. so here are some of my people pictures from that trip. these were taken on the beach at sunset one evening. we tried to go watch the sun go down over the gulf every night. i have to say, those were probably my favorite moments of the whole trip. it was always so peaceful and uplifting.

one of those evenings, i decided to have my husband and his brother and wife play in the sand for me. not making castles or burying each other so just heads and feet stuck out kind of playing. this kind of playing... i asked them to JUMP for the camera. we had a blast!

this was one of my fave shots, and i decided i could use it for lookers and leapers, even though at the time that i took it, i did not yet have this project in mind. but this shot works for it. i had taken some face shots that day, too. so i zoomed and cropped in on their eyes to go with the leap pic. i just posted it last night... my second installment. so glad to have this, too, because i was growing antsy to get out and find another subject for lookers and leapers, but have not found the opportunity since my first subject.

okay, all you professional or semi- professional picture takers out there! {or even the amateurs... if you've got some words of wisdom.} i have heard that late afternoon/early evening is a good time to get outdoor photos of people. and i feel that is the main reason some of these photos turned out so warm and nice. but what other tips do you have for me? if i pursue this people photography thing, i want to learn all i can.

tips? ideas? keep in mind, i have very limited equipment and a somewhat simple camera that does not have a lot of "bells and whistles". but i know a lot of the same principles apply no matter what type of camera you have. so let's hear it! what are your secrets to taking good people pics?

{one more thing. i generally don't put photos on this blog unless i took them. i have other blogs for other people's photos. but i had to post this one after writing what i did in my last post. while going through this group of florida pics, i found one of b. and me taken that same evening in the same place as the above photos. i saw it and felt comforted by it. i loved the way we were both looking in the same direction... it almost felt like looking forward. and it was taken in florida! after my last post, i had to add it! i just had to!}

{thanks to my sis-in-law for taking it.}

oh, bummer... well, here is the photo that was supposed to go with my post below but was not showing up for some reason.

a coincidence or a sign... you tell me

hello, dear friends and readers. something happened today that i simply could not pass up sharing {or asking what you think about }.

but first i have to preface it, especially for those of you who are newer to my blog and my ramblings. as you may or may not know, b. {the hubby } and i have been swimming for some time in a sea of questions... longing for a shore of answers.

there's the whole trying to have babies thing. but then there's the whole career thing. we were both laid off last spring and the industry in which we met and have both been in since we graduated from college is drastically changing. those industry changes on top of a struggling economy has only multiplied our uncertainty and fears about the big "what do we do with our lives" question. needless to say, these big life questions only lead us to one more big question. "should we stay where we are?"

we are both working again, but both of us had to go back for less money, as well as less hours for him recently, and even more recently, less hours for me. plus, i am only freelance as opposed to a permanent employee. so when the work runs out, they will no longer need me. i realize our predicament is something many people have had to face, so i am not looking for your sympathy here. i'm just setting up the story... the true story.

well, there have been some mighty tough days for us. this was one of them. i thought i was going to go in to work after a doc appointment and be there for a full {or at least close to full } day. but when i got to work, there was very little for me to do, and the projects that are in the works are sort of on hold. i'll have some work to go in for in the next day or two {i hope!}, but it's still sort of scary when this happens. not to say i minded having the time off. that is always nice! but paying bills is better than time off if i had to choose one or the other.

so i was discouraged. so was b. we both had been for a couple of days. the shower head is broken, and we can't even go get a new one until one of us gets paid. it's normally not quite that bad. we just happen to be in a short waiting period, and the timing was bad. still, it's little things like this that can start to weigh on you. when you are juggling bigger weights, the little ones thrown on top can sometimes throw you off balance, you know?

so i called him while i was driving from the doctor to work. we talked a bit about our frustrations. i told him i'm trying to hold it together {through my tears, of course }. and he said, "i know." he's right where i am, only he copes and processes a little differently than i do. but he was sweet and kind, and then he told me something that i did not quite believe when i heard it. not because he is the unbelievable type. but because it was just so crazy coincidental to believe.

because we were on the phone, he just gave me the short version. but tonight after he got home from working out, we made our island earlier than usual, and then we both kicked back on it to talk and tackle what small amount of life stuff we had the energy for. it was then that i got the full, detailed story.

okay, just one more thing before i tell you what he told me. b's parents live in florida. they moved there almost ten years ago. we visit when we can, and they come up to visit us as well. but after my dad died three and a half years ago, it really got b. thinking about wanting to be closer to his parents so we could see them more. now, he hates humidity, so florida is not quite his cup of tea. colorado has always been more his kind of state {except georgia, of course!}.

but if you know me, you know i love heat and sun and don't mind humidity one bit! i lived in florida for a short time as a child. it's safe to say i'd move there in a heartbeat. so when discussion of moving has been put on the table this past year, austin, nashville area, colorado and florida have all come up. but as of recently, we've been highly leaning toward florida.

the hard part is, it's very tough to find a job somewhere that you do not live. and it's very hard to pick up and move somewhere without a job lined up. so it's a catch 22. thus the uncertainty we've been under, and the questions that have us feeling stuck... mainly, "should we go to florida???"

finally, the good part... what he shared with me. while my husband was driving to work {and i believe every word he said }, he had been praying like he always does when he drives to work. praying and asking for direction and answers about all those big question marks we see. he told me his words weren't "give me a sign" or anything like that. but he was definitely asking for answers and direction and help.

almost immediately after praying this, he saw a big box smack dab in the center of the road {right on the lane divider }, and in big letters across the side of the box, it said "FLORIDA" and nothing else. now, we have to assume it was a crate or box of oranges that fell from a grocery truck or something like that. but how random for that to have happened in that very spot, at that very time, for my husband to see right after that very prayer.

i'm sort of a believer in signs... probably the biggest reason the movie signs is one of my top five favorites. i think we can receive them a million different ways. i believe i've had signs throughout my life. i really do. so i'm leaning toward the opposite direction of "this is just a coincidence". and even if it is, it SO made our day. we laughed with delight about it, and that alone was worth it happening, even if it's not the answer to all our problems and questions.

i just had to go looking for this photo that i took almost two years ago, and add my little message to it just for this post. it fit perfectly. oh... and i added the little heavenly light for effect, too. i couldn't help myself.

so i ask you. coincidence or sign?

from my childhood, i remember...

... riding down country roads on my bicycle.

... going to the grocery store with my parents and always being so excited when they would let us "taste-test" a grape or cherry or piece of brach's candy from the farmstand. {we were testing them for quality, you see. *wink, wink*}

... watching fireworks on a hill at the city park every fourth of july.

... singing with my four siblings in front of congregations at churches we'd visit {and being very, very nervous }.

... collecting stickers.

... falling in love with classical music around age eleven when my music teacher played part of mendelssohn's midsummer night's dream.

... crying when my cat, silvercloud, would leave for several months to go have her babies. {we lived out in the country, and she was an outside cat who had five litters of five kittens throughout the time i had her.}

... chasing and collecting fireflies in the cool grass on summer nights.

... listening to my parents entertain guests long after my bedtime, wishing i could be with them and be part of their interaction.

... being afraid of so many things. {i was scared of clowns, i'm told. i think i remember one instance of seeing one in public somewhere and clinging to my father's neck as he held me. i'm not sure where we were. maybe a party of some sort??? i just remember it was on a sidewalk.}

... watching television shows like little house on the prairie, love boat, fantasy island, mash, the muppets... i think there were more, but those are the ones that stick out.

... eating often at kentucky fried chicken with my family. {my parents had to be resourceful and find inexpensive ways to feed a large, hungry family of seven. we always got the big bucket, and i always wanted a leg.}

... getting home from church on sunday afternoons and finding the amazing aromas of my dad's delicious pot roasts that had been cooking all morning with carrots, potatoes and onions. he'd also always make a homemade fruit jello and homemade punch. it was his day to cook and i remember those days like they were yesterday.

... my mom's clothes and hair. my mom was very beautiful when i was growing up... still is. but i remember a certain look about her... mostly during my days from about 3rd grade to 8th grade. she was the junior choir director at church, and i can still see her pretty frame in her pretty clothes as she stood before all of us kids and led our singing.

... playing pretend with my twin sister in our bedroom. we transformed that room into so many things... spaceships, an office {we loved to answer the old rotary phone -- unplugged, of course }, a recording studio, a grocery store. we had to be creative. we lived out in the country.

... living at the city pool every day during the summers while my mom and dad were in town at work. my siblings and i were like fish and all had very browned skin!

... drawing pictures to my heart's content.

... sitting on my very cool uncle's knees with my twin while he lovingly told us why we should get along with each other, and then being rewarded with a striped candy stick for listening to his little life lesson. it was at a great pancake house called millie's where there was an old-fashioned candy store and lots of antique chairs for patrons to sit around in. i so vividly remember that day.

...

i think i could remember and list so many more things if i sat here long enough. but that would be one long post... even for me.

so i just mentioned these as they were the first that came to my mind.

i'm curious... what good childhood memories do you carry and revel in?

pssssst...

i'm over here.
all week.
but i will try
to make some appearances
at this space, too.
i was thinking i might use
this week to post some
florida photos here
from WAAAAY back when.
remember when i went last april?
well, i only got about one tenth
of those photos put up here.
s.l.a.c.k.e.r.
that's me.
: )

and since i don't have those ready yet...
here are a couple more from the shoot i've been
posting pics of these past couple of days.

i got about 60 shots this day.
this one was tied with the elmo shot
for my favorite photo of the group.
it's blurry... i know.
but i LOVE blurry shots!
you should know that about me by now.
and i just love the joy
and candidness of this pic.
now you finally get to see the newborn.
i need to get some more close-up
pictures of her posted soon.
i'll have to do that when i get home from work.
she's a sweety for sure!

and since shutter sisters
prompted us today to show a kiss
or some visual bliss...


hope to see you at 2 blessed beyond belief {which will be more like 3 b.b.b. for a time }.

{p.s. kim and prairie girl {{the force behind 2bbb }} like to converse back and forth every day over there. and they've invited me to do the same along with them. but please don't feel like it's a private space where you are not free to leave a comment. i happen to know they love to hear from people! so don't let our convo stop you. join in on the fun!}

oh, and have a fabulous week!

baby + elmo = sweet

while taking pics of my friend's newborn, the firstborn two-year-old big sister was climbing around on the couch and pushed elmo over into the shot.

it turned out to be serendipitous, because this was my favorite picture of the whole shoot! i just love how elmo almost seems real... like he is looking at the baby with affection. {*smile*}

i love happy accidents!

i went through the rest of the photos from this shoot, and i found some i really like. i may be posting more later, but i thought i'd put up one more for now. i couldn't resist. this one just makes me smile! i hope it made you smile, too.

{p.s. i'll probably be less visible over here throughout the coming week, as i will be guest posting all week over at 2BBB. i am looking forward to it! i hope you'll visit, too. we can be co-visitors together!}

sneak peek

i had the pleasure of going to see one of my very best friend's new baby girl last tuesday night. i drove down after work so that i could take some pictures of her at her mom's request.

while i was waiting for the newborn to be dressed in her finest by her momma, i found myself grabbing some snapshots of her proud big sister and her doll.

i got several shots that night that i need to go through and pick out the best of, but in the meantime, i thought i would post this adorable pic of the older girl. {well, i thought it was adorable at least.} she had wandered away into the kitchen lost in wonder at something she saw. she was crackin' me up the whole night! quite the self-entertaining little girl.

she has developed so much more character and personality since the last time i saw her and got to photograph her. she is very sweet and protective of her little doll, so i know she is going to make a great big sister, too.

i was honored to photograph such a big event in my friends' lives. but i was also grateful for the opportunity to practice my people-picture taking. more to come... some newborn pics, more big sis pics, and a few of mom and dad holding the little one.

{by the way... a few of you told me after seeing my new lookers and leapers project that people photography is my strength. i thank you for that encouragement, as i really love to take pictures of people and i've never quite known what to narrow in on for a photography niche. this just may be something i pursue. thank you for your push in that direction.}

feeling greatly inspired

i feel strangely inspired today.
like big-time inspired!

i think it might have to do with a few things
that jumped out at me over the past several hours.
two of those things are some words
i saw on two blogs this morning.

the other thing is the words i saw in a comment
that i received {on my last post } when i got home.

sometimes negativity can actually inspire you
more than positivity does.
and then when it does,
it makes those sweet words stand out even more.


here are the three things i read...

"be the joy you want to see."
~unknown
{thanks for having this on your blog, curious cat }


"always when judging
who people are,
remember to footnote
the words, 'so far'."
~robert brault
{thanks for having this on your blog, jacs23 }


"there are things you do
because they feel right
& they may make no sense
& they may make no money
& it may be the real reason
we are here:
to love each other
& to eat each other's cooking
& say it was good."
~story people
{thanks for leaving this in a comment, jamie }

how odd that a negative comment should stoke such a fire of inspiration in me. i'll admit... i'm human, and i was initially bothered by the hurtful comment that i wrote about in my last post.

but i can honestly say, it took me about 10 minutes to get over it. all it did was inspire me more. to write better. to take better photos. to be better. i say this, because somewhere in all your thoughtful comments, one of you mentioned that i should not let what the negative commenter wrote bother me, as it would only give them satisfaction that they accomplished what they set out to do.

but truthfully, it did not bother me nearly as much as it made me feel bad for the person who wrote it or nearly as much as it made me feel good about myself and my whole-hearted go of it to be artistic in some way every single day. i actually have more confidence today than i did yesterday! like a ton more! yahoo!!!!!

some of you may think that spending a single minute on it or writing one word about it is a waste and only keeps reintroducing a bad vibe into the air... sort of giving too much for that negativity to feed on. but i don't see it that way. like i said, it just fueled my desire to be creative.

in my writing about it, i tried to put as much of a positive and constructive spin on it as i could. and so did some of you in your comments. and even if you didn't... it's all good! it's behind me. and it did the opposite of what that person set out to do. it pumped me up. i can't wait to practice taking picture this weekend! i can't wait to write about and post some of the recent pictures i've taken! i can't wait to go see what other bloggers are doing out there!

have a happy and joyful weekend.

be inspired.

a letter to anonymous

dear {and i use that word very loosely } anonymous,

i read your comment today... the one you left on my most recent post.

you wrote:

"i just don't get this type of blogging. why would someone post a lengthy 'me, me, me' post for the entire world to read ~ and more importantly, why do complete strangers waste their time reading these posts? (I skipped to the bottom after the first couple if items.) There are a million and one better things you could be doing with your lives, people, get off your behinds and get out in the real world! Where have all the great photos gone? Think it's time to un-bookmark this blog. Bye-bye."

i was almost shocked. then i was almost hurt, which almost made me cry. then i was almost speechless. after that, i was almost angry.

but one thing that i was NOT almost was feeling sorry for you. i also was NOT almost sure your comment was cowardly. and that is because i AM 100% feeling sorry for you and AM 100% sure your comment was cowardly.

and here is why. you are either someone who does not know me and are what is known as an internet troll. or you do know me on some level -- either personally or through blogging -- and you wanted to say something that would hurt me. i say that, because if you did not set out to hurt me, you would have said your opinions in a more constructive way. either way, you did not identify who you are, and anyone can say anything if they don't mention who they are, because they have nothing to lose and will not be criticized... at least not personally.

it's funny that you should write what you did, because i had second thoughts about publishing my last post. as i was writing it, i felt that it might come across as "me, me, me", or that i might seem like i was just fishing for attention or saying "look at me. look at me". and as i don't want to come across that way {because i am not that way }, i was reluctant to post it. still, i went ahead and put it out there, and the reason i did was because i realized that when i read the posts of other bloggers who have done that same exercise, i did not find myself thinking that they were self-absorbed, "me, me, me" kind of people.

i just saw them as being expressive. there are so many ways to do a self-portrait as an artist. singers do it. painters do it. writers do it. photographers do it. even little children who are doodling do it... freely and innocently, because they have no fears of judgment and generally feel comfortable with who they are.

while i don't claim to be a great or even a good artist, i do claim to be an artist. and i do claim to be expressive. and i've stated many times here, that i realize i am an open person and probably have less filters and guards than many. i tend to be transparent. i feel free to express and be honest. i could say a lot more about myself, but what i do choose to write, i try to keep positive or helpful... helpful in the sense that even if it is less than glamorous, it's something someone else can relate to. and i've been told this countless times by constructive people who come here to read.

perhaps you haven't been reading all my posts lately. perhaps you don't know that i've been in a great deal of pain. perhaps you don't know that i've been hard on myself because of the pain i'm in, blaming myself for being in that pain. so my attempt to look at myself, look at the positive things about me and look for why i am the way i am and why i've done the things i've done starts with recognizing certain things about me.

i thought of not responding to your comment, because i felt that would only give you undeserved credit and recognition -- recognition you don't deserve if you are not even brave enough to identify yourself. so i thought of simply pasting your comment in a post and then letting my readers respond to you instead. they would have had some choice words. maybe not all of them. maybe some would have agreed with your comment and have even felt like leaving a similar comment of their own.

but i would like to think most would at least agree with me that your comment was worded spitefully and far from constructively. some of those people might still think that i should not waste my time dignifying your words with a reply. i thought about that. but know i am not dignifying anything you said. i'm pointing out your silly, childish way of getting a point across. it's not just to you. it's to anyone who would leave a comment like this.

i had too much to say to not respond. and i think a lot of bloggers out there who have blogs that are even slightly similar to mine may have the same kinds of thoughts and questions and apprehensiveness when it comes to blogging that i have, so i'm going to say what i have to say.

of course, you've un-bookmarked my blog, so chances are, you will not even read this. but i really hope you do. i'll now reply to each sentence you took the time to write to me with some words of my own.

you said, "i just don't get this type of blogging." good for you for being honest about not understanding something. i would venture to say that if you asked 100 people if there is something they "don't get", 100 out of 100 would say there is at least one thing they don't understand. so that comment did not surprise me one little bit. and you know what? there are a lot of things out on the internet that i don't get, including certain types of blogs. but you know what else? those places never sent me an invitation saying, "what i have to say is the most important thing in the world, and you should come read/see what i'm saying/displaying." and even if they had, i would not have gone. it's a free blogosphere. there are no dictators forcing you or me to read anything we don't want to.

and furthermore, i've never once invited someone to read or visit my blogs. i have links to them on my facebook page, but never once have i asked a single soul to go look at the things i write or the pictures i take. but i've always been completely open and willing for anyone to see them. i just don't mind. if i did, it would be highly pointless to have a blog in the first place -- especially this kind of blog. so not to sound rude, but i never invited you to stop here and read. i'm not sure how you even discovered my blog. the ways you could have are numerous. that is not the point. however you did, you supposedly bookmarked it at one time, which leads me to believe there must have been a point at one time where you found it worth visiting. i just don't know.

but i never started this blog with the mind set that all who happen upon it would like it, appreciate it or understand it. that's about all i have to say to that sentence.

then you wrote, "why would someone post a lengthy 'me, me, me' post for the entire world to read..." well, you are not me, so you can't know why i would do that. i could tell you that i enjoyed it when i saw someone else post the same, and how i thought it would be fun to do as well. i could also point out that i referred to many others in my post... family, friends, other online sites, even strangers. i believe who we are is made up of who we've ever known and let into our lives. so writing about me is an extension of all those people. your point was posed as a question, but was actually a judgmental jab. and all i can say back is, why not? is that so wrong? not once in the post do i say "i am awesome" or "i am the center of the universe, and you should bow down and worship me".

it was simply a get-to-know me post for the actual friends i've made in this blogging community. and yes, the last "i am happy..." section was, as you put it, lengthy. but everything in that list was my expression of gratitude for the small things in life that bring me joy. i hardly think that is "me, me, me". i could not possibly list the things that bring others joy, because i don't know their hearts. but i could list the things that bring me joy all day long, because i am the only one who knows what those are. i did not write that for you. i did not write that for anyone who comes here to read {although i know some people appreciate it and may even benefit from it.} i wrote it for me! as an exercise in gratitude. i'm truly sorry you did not see that.

next you wrote, "and more importantly, why do complete strangers waste their time reading these posts?" hmmmm... you've just insulted my readers. i'll let them reply to your rudeness. {by the way, just because i've never met most of my frequent readers in person, it does not make them complete strangers. i consider them real friends. you only get to see the comments they or i leave. but you do not see the e-mails of encouragement that have been written between us. you do not realize that real friendships have been established.} what a sorry, sad thing for you to say.

when next you wrote, "(I skipped to the bottom after the first couple if items.)", if you were referring to the comments that others left, then i'm glad you skipped to the bottom. those people left those comments for me... as a means of conversation and dialog with me. not you. i recently went to a blog that had the comments turned off. this person wrote in her sidebar about why she does not have commenting turned on. i thought she had some valid points. she said she writes and takes pictures just to be artistic. she does not need or want the feedback and she does not like "comment fishing" {which is when people leave comments on other blogs just so those bloggers will come visit their blog and comment too }. i understand that. but on the other side of the coin, ask ANY one of us who blogs. we will be honest and say, it feels good when someone leaves a comment that is constructive and encouraging. you'd have to be made of cardboard for it not to feel good, especially when it is a sincere comment that engages dialog. it truly is like a conversation with a friend.

okay. we are getting closer to the end. i have some words about this, your longest statement of the bunch: "There are a million and one better things you could be doing with your lives, people, get off your behinds and get out in the real world!" how right you are. i could be saving lives. i could be finding the cure for diseases. i could be cleaning up the rubble from recent earthquakes. i could be working at a soup kitchen for the homeless. i could be volunteering at an orphanage. i could be ridding my hometown of litter. the list is endless. but you know what else is endless? the list of "a million and one" worse things we bloggers could be doing with our lives. in fact, i'd even say that the latter list would be the longer of the two if either list ever did end.

not that two wrongs make a right. but i happen to know that things i've said here have helped a person or two. they have told me so. and if i help even just one person, if i brighten the day of even just one reader or make them smile, if i make someone think and ask themselves something they might not otherwise ask, if i turn anyone on to the beautiful sounds of the music i write about, if i cause one soul to want to buy a camera because they see how much fun i have with it, then i consider it all worth it. all of it! phooey to you if you can't see that side of it. you don't want to.

and i just have to say, i find it almost hilarious that you would say "get off your behinds and get out in the real world". bahahahahah... i have to assume that you read my post and commented on it in a very similar position to that of the position that i am in right now -- seated, upright, forearms extended over a desk and keyboard, eye-level with a monitor. i simply can not picture you writing your choice words while out in the field farming, or in calcutta feeding the poor, or at a humanitarian benefit giving a speech, or giving your child a bath, or visiting your grandmother in the nursing home, or even just reading a book or cleaning your house. your statement was highly hypocritical. and seriously laughable. i'm sorry. i tried to be nice through this whole thing. but i got to this point, and i just can not help but chuckle and point out your ridiculousness.

okay, here we go. this is where i get downright miffed. how does one even reply to "Where have all the great photos gone?" first of all, i've never once claimed my photos are great. i don't even think i've said they are good. i think they are. and i like most of the photos i post. even if not one other person likes one of my images, i like them. your little question {which was once again just an insult posed as a question } is nothing more than an attempt to hurt me. i can not for the life of me figure out why you would want to hurt me. if we have never met, perhaps you have a blog and i offended you there somehow. i don't possibly know how. i always try to leave thoughtful and sincere comments. or maybe you have a blog, and i have not reciprocated the level of involvement on yours that you have on mine.

or maybe you don't have one, but if not, i think you should. i think you should enlighten us all with your blog about what proper blogging is, about what kind of blog everyone will "get", and last but not least, how to take "good" photographs. ughh! seriously?!?! maybe you were commenting strictly on the photograph that i put in my last post. if so, you got me there. i can honestly say, it's not one of my best, most significant or most moving photos. how 'bout the one two posts below that? did that move you? maybe not. but it moved me beyond words. and THAT is why i took it. and THAT is why i posted it. and THAT is why i wrote about it. not for you. not for praise. not to win an award. you could not be more correct... you absolutely do not get this kind of blogging.

perhaps you are someone who knows me personally. i was not aware that i had any enemies. i was not aware that i have any acquaintances who would say something so spiteful. but i guess you never know. i'm certain that all of the people i care about would not have written this message.

so that just leaves a stranger... someone who is lonely and has nothing better to do than to be mean and tear people down. someone who is unhappy. if you are those things, that makes me sad. i know what it is like to be lonely and even unhappy. but i could truly never leave a comment like the one you left me. not even anonymously. i just don't see the point in putting something like that out there. it's so counterproductive. you could have inspired me to be a more selfless blogger... more outward and helpful... less "me, me, me". you could have done so with just a few changes of words and a complete change of tone. but you chose to tear down. i choose to build up. and i choose not to give an ounce of weight to what you wrote and i choose to stick up for people who are brave enough to write and blog and express and take photographs that are clearly amateur.

if you are nothing more than a troll -- not a term i came up with, but very fitting -- and you only go around leaving comments like this to stir up cyberspace, i have no words for you. you'll never stop what you're doing, because you see no harm and probably find it enjoyable.

almost last, but not least, you said "Think it's time to un-bookmark this blog." if you truthfully had my blog bookmarked in the first place, i say i'm sorry to hear that. had you stuck around, you might have seen me grow and mature into what i desire to be... outward, loving, helpful, giving, supportive, difference-making.

finally, you wrote, "Bye-bye."

bye-bye.

i saw this over at emma tree...

{"this" being the list below }, and it reminded me of my recent post called {a different self-portrait } i am..., but with a twist, so i thought i would try it. a few in my list are similar bits to what i said in my self-portrait post, but there are some new things, too.

as i said, i saw this on emma tree {which is probably my favorite name for a blog ever }. you must stop by to read hers, too. she's got the best photo to go with her delightful list!

i know i've been doing a lot of self-portraits lately... either photographically or in verbal form. but that is just sort of where i am at in my life these days. introspective. searching. trying to get at the bottom of why i am the way i am. so i'm doing a little more looking at myself... at the things i chose not to see for a while. one of the things i'm learning to do with my counselor is to try to see myself differently than i always have... to not repeat the same pattern of thought that i've viewed myself in for years. it's been very freeing.

anyway, i love these kind of tag or chain posts... where you sort of fill in the blanks, but also get a chance to be creative with your writing a little. {like this one.} it's a way to still be expressive even when you don't feel the energy or connectedness to completely write all on your own.

some of it's just fun. all of it's just me. nothing too serious. here goes...

i am...
very hard to describe.

i think...
too much.

i know...
i am loved by others more than i love myself.

i want...
a polaroid sx-70,
an iMac {with a quad processor },
an s.l.r. camera,
children,
a puppy
... not necessarily in that order.

i have...
tauri.

i dislike...
gossip.
{more than anything!}

i miss...
my father.
my youth.
singing in a choir.

i fear...
being eaten by a shark.

i feel...
at this minute pretty good,
except for some slight pain in my chest...
{doc is making me go get it checked out,
so you don't need to scold me,
plus, i'm sure it's just stress.}

i hear...
the train.

i smell...
nothing at the moment.

i crave...
simplicity.
touch.
french fries.
interaction.
chocolate.
rest.
validation.

i usually...
procrastinate.

i search...
for good deals.
answers.
for something to photograph wherever i go.

i wonder...
what ever happened to the red-head
i befriended at camp as a child.
she was my first kindred spirit.

i regret...
holy cow... do you have an hour or two?

i love...
the best i can,
with fault,
but with everything.

i care...
what people think of me
{probably too much }.
now that i think about it,
that's not really care.
it's selfish wasteful time spent.
that's more "i worry"
instead of "i care".
i need to work on caring about something better...
something more productive.

i am always...
bursting to create.

i worry...
so much less than i used to,
but still more than i need to.

i remember...
oh, goodness.
sometimes i'm sad that i can't remember more.
let's see.
i remember
feeling completely content
at my 25th birthday party
on the beach in lake forest
on a beautiful fall day
and wishing that the day would never end.

i have...
the best friends in the world.
i really do.

i dance...
to the bee gees in my living room,
in the aisles at the grocery store,
and like i'm the only one in the room at weddings.
{remember i said above that i care
what others think about me?
that's the one time that care
goes out the window.
play some good music,
and i just have to dance!}

i sing...
better than some,
worse than others,
but with the voice that made
my papa proud.
{oh how i'd love to sing to him today.}

i don’t always...
hmmmm....
anything i should do always,
you can be sure i don't.
i'm very undisciplined and spontaneous.
not rigid at all.
to a fault.

i argue...
rarely.
just with one person.
the one who knows me the best, probably.
and it is lessening over time,
for which i am grateful.

i write...
the only way i know how,
but i read words of so many
and wish i could write the way they do.

i lose...
at least one sock every time i wash socks.

i wish...
i had been a dancer
or concert pianist
or florist
or interior designer
or singer.
am i wasting a wish?
should these have gone under my
"i regret" category.
let me rephrase.
i wish to be something someday
that brings me as much joy as it can...
something that makes me feel
like i'm not going to work,
but instead just makes me feel
like i'm doing what i was created to do.

i listen...
to classical radio on the way to and from work.

i don't understand...
how black holes work.
{way too sciencey for me!}

i can usually be found...
at my computer in blogland
or at sbux picking up a green tea latte
or rummaging through treasures
in an antique store or thrift store
or watching the office with b. at 10:00 pm.
or out taking pictures of something.

i am scared...
of sharks.

i need...
a vacation.

i forget...
the wrongs that have been done to me...
eventually,
even if it takes me some time,
but hopefully right away
more often than not.

i am happy...
{i hope you have another hour}
when i'm taking pictures.
when i'm listening to schubert.
when i feel content.
when b. rubs my legs.
when there is at least one smooshy fry in my fries.
when i wake up from a nap.
when it's over 80 degrees outside.
when it's not cloudy and gray.
when i'm watching a cary grant movie.
when i feel safe and secure.
when i drink green tea lattes.
when i see someone helping someone else.
when i get to help someone else.
when i have a good idea.
when a wrong is made right.
when i learn something new.
when i make a new friend.
when i spend time with an old one.
when i witness forgiveness.
when i see my sister's dog
{who makes me feel like the only person on the planet }.
when i accomplish something i set out to do.
when i make someone's day.
when someone gives me something vintage.
when shutter sisters posts one of my photos.
when i think of my dad's jokes and his laugh.
when my mom tells me stories about my dad.
when i get letters in the mail.
when i roll in the grass and act like a kid.
when i make cheesecake.
when i hear, taste, see, smell or touch
something that brings back good memories.
when i climb into freshly washed sheets on my bed.
when the sun awakens me.
when i play hilarious games with my family or friends.
when someone takes the time
to read my blog and comment on it.
when my sister calls me just to talk.
when i find money in the pocket
of a coat i've not worn in a while.
when i smell a fireplace
burning wood on a crisp autumn night.
when i pay my bills on time.
when someone tells me i'm creative.
when i go bowling.
when i figure out how to do something.
when i'm laughing.
when i hear b. laugh about something
with his brother that only those two understand.
when someone tells me to be gentle to myself.
when the sun awakens me.
{yes, i said that one twice.}
...

{you should do this, too. it's been spreading around blogland, and it's quite fun. it makes you think about some things you might not otherwise. and it's a fun way to let yourself be known. let me know in a comment if you're going to play along. i'd love to come read what you write.}

a hundred dreams or more

a hundred dreams or more lie this side of her lovely peacock curtains. dreams that never took flight, still locked up in a vintage apartment... perhaps because they were never meant to fly. maybe they were only meant to be just dreams... meant only to look out the window and keep her company. maybe not.

all i know is they are still there. and i remembered them once more when i walked in the room and saw those perfect peacock curtains again.

{taken at my aunt's and grandmother's apartment in downtown chicago. i used to visit often as a child, and never wanted to leave when i did.}

positively perfect.

what a weekend!

i dare say near perfect.
i could not have asked
for a more blessed weekend
or for it to have been filled
with anything better than it was.

starting with my first
meeting with a counselor
who i instantly felt at ease with
and who i'm certain will be
the perfect mentor, confidant
and listening ear i need right now.

having a friend call me three times
the next day to see how that meeting went.

friday morning coffee with a great friend
who i've not seen in a while.

friday afternoon work day
{part 2 of the clean sweep in my house }
with my best friend and her sister
{who is now a friend as well }
filled with a lot of laughter and joy,
while layers of heaviness were stripped away
and freedom from possessions took its place.
{part 1 here.}

sensing God placing angels
{like elijah's }
in my life left and right
and sensing His presence and peace.

being asked to guest blog
for a week on a blog i admire.
{i'm so giddy about that one!}

being treated like gold
by three business establishments
who i gave my business {and money } to.
{one of the upsides of a tough economy...
good customer service sky rockets
because every business wants
to hold on to their customers.}

having a homemade french toast breakfast
made for me by b. on sunday morn
and enjoying the lingering
aromas of it all day long.

taking one of the most
precious photos i've ever taken
of b. and my grandma {above }
while spending time with her
for her 95th birthday party...
probably the most memorable time
i have ever had with her.
{oh my, she is still so sharp and witty!
and very much a whipper-snapper!
see my grandma in 1933 here.}

starting my new project.
on sat. morning {see post below }
and hanging out/having a blast
with another friend while doing it.
{thanks for all your kind comments
about the project, by the way.}

reconnecting with my sister
on one of our greatest
common passions -- photography --
and seeing some of her beautiful recent work
{hers is the first photo if you follow this link.}

having a friend
from across the ocean pray
and watching those prayers
answered within hours.

finding out that my dear friend, ese,
had her second baby girl
and all are healthy and well.

making a lifestyle change
in regards to my eating
that i believe will greatly
improve my well-being.
{more on that later }

doing something i thought was bad for me,
but turns out is good for me and,
in fact, very needed.
{more on that later, too }

feeling different.

letting go.

getting through.

happy to be so.

i'm blessed.
and i felt it this weekend.
just thought i would say it out loud,
'cause i want to be known for being
grateful for the good days,
as much {and more } than i am
affected by the difficult ones.

i truly hope yours was blessed, too.

remember i said i was going to start a new little project?

well, i did not know when or where i would start it. but i do know i did not wake up today and think, "today is the day i'm going to start my project."

so this is how it happened... a friend of mine {who i have known since circa 1996 } met me this morning at starbucks -- one of the things we like to do when we get together, even though neither of us drinks coffee. she gets her steamed milk drink and i get my green tea latte.

well, i'm sure it is no surprise to you... i brought my camera along. {i don't think she was surprised either.} as we sat by the window and laughed and chatted the way good friends do, i found myself so taken with the colors in her scarf, so i took the lens cap off my camera and started to take pictures of it and the way the light was playing with it so beautifully.

i was just trying to be creative with it, while still carrying on a conversation. then i found that she seemed comfortable with me taking pictures, so i felt at liberty to take some photos of her, too. isn't she pretty? {i think she looks like michelle pfieffer.}

one of my favorite things about sandy is her eyes. i think they are really pretty, and i've always wanted to try to photograph them. so i did. that's when it hit me! "oh, yeah! my project idea!"

so i decided right there on the spot... she would be the first subject of my new project. and now you are probably wondering what that new project is, aren't you? well, i will not keep you in suspense any longer. just go here and you'll see what it is. then come back to this post to read the rest of my explanation.

...

so it's like this... i think a person's eyes are so telling about them. so much of one's personality lies visibly in their peepers... at least in my opinion. for that reason, i've always thought it would be fun to do a series of photos on eyes.

also... three years ago, i went to the wedding of one of my best friends. the wedding photographer was taking photos during the reception of people in mid-air who were jumping up in quirky, fun fashions at the direction of the photographer. they were so enjoyable... both to be in and to watch. i was not yet taking pictures at that point. but when i eventually did get a camera and started getting into photography, it was something i wanted to try right away, and have tried here and there.

i have thought in the past that it would be so much fun to do several jump shots as a series as well. so one day at work {about a month or two ago } i thought, "hey, why not combine these two series ideas? i could call it lookers and leapers!" and thus the idea was born.

but as i said earlier, i did not know when or where {or should i say "with whom"} it would start. it just sort of happened that today was the day. i did not set out for today to be the day nor for sandy to be my first "model". but that is how it happened. and now that i have done my first, i absolutely can not wait to do more!!!

well, when we were done with our drinks, sandy and i left starbucks and went to the nearby alley to take the jumping shot. {which was gracious for her to oblige me with, as she has recently had a sore hip.}

anywho... it will be my little ongoing project. i decided to create a whole separate blog for it, rather than post the photos here and tag them. {although, i'm sure i'll post here from time to time about what is going on over there.}

thank you, sandy, for being my first subject {or victim... however you want to look at it.} your willingness, enthusiasm and beautiful eyes made you the perfect person with which to launch my new project! {and i'll never forget the laughs we had doing it!}

quiet

"quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."

~robert louis stevenson

{i'm just taking some time to be quiet and introspective this weekend... feeling the most peace i've felt in a long time. hoping you know peace today, too. have a happy weekend.}

like christmas in february!

well, today was once again full of surprises. i got two checks in the mail -- both unexpected. one that i had no idea was coming. the other, i had forgotten about. neither one was an exorbitant amount of money. but at this time in the economy and in my personal financial state, any money is a blessing!

the first check was only to cover the amount of shipping that it cost me to send the boots you see pictured above. i bought these rain boots over two years ago. they were my first ever rain boots as an adult. i loved them, but i found myself rarely wearing them. i wore them once to work on a rainy fall day... that was the day the above photos were taken. then i wore them one saturday last spring to go to the muddy forest preserve to take pictures.

but back to the photos and the reason i shipped these boots... about a year and a half ago, my friend chris and i started a just-for-fun blog called shoe love, because we are both big shoe lovers and just wanted to have fun with our fondness for shoes. the blog has since fallen by the way side because of our busy lives, but one day last fall, someone named kelly from washington came across the blog and saw the photo that chris, my friend {and co-worker at the time }, took of my boots. {the photos in my post are the shots i took while she was busy taking her own pictures of my boots -- one of which is in the shoe love post.} anyway, kelly saw the boots after happening upon our blog and loved them. she e-mailed me and asked where i got them, because she had been looking for red, plaid rain boots everywhere and could not find them.

so i e-mailed her back and informed her that i got them at nordstrom rack, that there was only one pair left when i found them, and that it had been a long time since i bought them. i just wanted her to know so that she would not get her hopes up, thinking she would be able to run out and get a pair for herself. then, i realized i really never wear them, and knowing how much she had her heart set on them, i asked her what her shoe size was. when i found out it was the same as mine, i told her i would send mine to her. i was sure she would enjoy them more than i had been. she was super excited and offered to send me money for them, but i told her not to worry about paying me for the boots, as long as she could reimburse me for the shipping cost.

i finally sent them off about a month ago, and today, there was a little box awaiting my arrival home from work with not only a check to cover the shipping cost, but a thank you card, two bars of delicious dark chocolate, and a thermos/travel-mug from the university where she is attending. so, so sweet! and very unexpected. it made my day. she had already e-mailed me to say thank you when she received the boots. that would have been enough for me. but she took the time to send a special little package. what a sweet thing to do!

and guess what else awaited me in the mail. a check from the company that i lost my job from back in april. apparently, everyone who worked there {"there" being no longer }, got a profit-sharing check. it was only just over $200. but as i said, it was unexpected and so needed. so it was everything to me! like a "wow... this never happens to me!" kind of surprise!

needless to say, i went to the bank, deposited my two checks, and had a bar of chocolate. i consider that a good day! and you know what? i could use good days these days. and i will take them in any form i can get them!