it's just how i see things

wordless wednesday

2012-02-01T09:32:00.001-06:00

texture tuesday

2012-01-31T00:18:00.000-06:00

when is the last time you just stared out a window...

actually, not simply stared,

but gazed... with delight... like it was the first time

you ever saw what there was to see

out your window.

i'd say, if you even have a window to begin with... any window...

you are a lucky soul.

i used to work in a building where there were no windows.

i was there more than ten years.

i don't know how i did that for so long.

we take for granted things like having a window to look out of.

but a baby who has just learned to pull himself up by a sill

sees it rather differently.

it's an awesome and exciting treat.

{you can't see it here, because he has already paused

to ponder all that his eyes were taking in when this was taken.

but when he first got vertical,

after having conquered the journey of crawling over to the window,

he squealed in delight at his new perched view.}

we live on the second floor of an older home... at tree-top level.

imagine what it is like for a seven-month-old

to see a view like this for the very first time on his own.

sure, i had shown him outside and the snow through the window before.

but each time was when he was less aware,

and they were all before he could get to a window on his own.

yes... it's all new for him.

and to you and i, looking out the window might not be anything new.

but is that because we just aren't looking for something new?

is it because we don't have the simple joy and appreciation

of a child?

if it is, should we try to get that back?

i think so.

{this is my third time participating in kim klassen's texture tuesday. for this week's texture link-up, we simply had to use kim's lovely "simplicity" texture, which i used on sophie, too. {here, screen mode, 100% opacity}. you can see the rest of the many link-up participants by visiting her texture tuesday page.

i'm not sure if i will keep doing these each week. i'd like to, but i already committed to several other weekly or monthly projects that i can do as time permits. this is a great one to be a part of... so many beautiful uses of textures with photography out there! have you been a texture tuesday regular? do you love it as much as i have enjoyed being a part of it the past few weeks?}

makeshift monday

2012-01-30T16:00:00.000-06:00

after yesterday's change o' plans,
i decided to make this a chore-filled monday.
{it's what playpens were made for!}
but then i realized...

the laundry
and dishes
and piles of clutter
and sticky cheerio snacks stuck in the carpet
and stacks of paperwork
and messy countertops
and unread e-mails
will always be there...
certainly to return,
even if cleaned up or cleared away for a time.
but isaac... he will not always be
seven and a half months old.
he will not always be learning to walk
or just beginning to talk.
he will not always be my little peanut.
and those toys will not always be scattered across my floors.

so i put the chores away
and decided to get some playing done.

and by the time i shifted gears,
the sun came out from behind gray winter skies
and the hubby came home early
{half of a sick day}.

mondays can be quite lovely sometimes.
even when you least expect it.

{although, this might make for a very long tuesday.}

serene sunday

2012-01-29T22:10:00.000-06:00

i had a change of plans for my day when mr. b. woke up with a sore throat. i let him sleep in and take all the rest he needed, which meant a little more work for me to handle the teething wee one. but it all worked out okay in the end. i really look forward to the weekends, because it is a chance for me to catch up on things that i can't get to during the week when the hub is working. he worked the past two weekends prior to this one. so imagine how forward i was looking to this weekend. *sigh* with under-the-weather and teething boys on my hands, i did not quite get to accomplish what i had hoped to. and beyond that, there were sights and sounds i encountered today that had me grasping for that silence i've been longing for and setting out to achieve {one little word}.

quiet is not always synonymous with serenity, but for me, today it was. i thought of this photo... another from that c.d. of winter bird photos i talked about a couple posts back. i'd still like to post the rest of them. but in keeping with the quiet theme, i chose only to post the one. i added this quote, because i thought it was fitting for the peaceful scene here, but also because it goes along very much with the theme of that same post i just referred to above {with the winter bird photos}... a theme that centered around embracing tension in our creative lives... and even our lives in general.

at first, i thought i'd publish one post per day {about the day before} for my week of mini-series posts that i'm doing. {i guess it's not really a series, other than the similar naming convention of the post titles... which i explained at the end of my last post.} but i decided to squeeze in my sunday post early and stay on that track, as come tuesday and wednesday, i'm going to want my posts for those days to be posted on those days. i think i'm beginning to not even make sense to myself, now. never mind. i think i'll just wrap this up before i turn it into the opposite of serene.

hoping you're sunday had some serenity somewhere in it. i'll be back tomorrow with "m{remains-to-be-seen} monday".

silly saturday

2012-01-29T01:39:00.003-06:00

just the way saturdays should be, in my opinion... silly.

this one was the first day mr. b. has had off in over two weeks.
it was so nice to all three be together for an entire day!

although isaac was {is} teething badly,

and a tad bit cranky because of it

{gosh, i hope i can find that misplaced bottle of hyland's teething tablets},

we all had a fun-filled day anyway.

it's why i love my camera...

it gives me the means to preserve in photographs

the memory of days like these.

and photos to remember the day by, i got plenty of...

kisses,

gobbles,

tickles,

giggles,

climbing,

twirling,

walking,

hanging,

exploring

and

cheese!

oh, and i can't forget...

dancing the night away to love me, do by the beatles.

i loved each image i captured today.

but the photo below certainly takes the cake...

mr. b. let out a jovial chuckle when he saw this photo up on the screen.

he exclaimed,

"he looks like a villain in a james bond movie."

then he proceeded to quote some lines from goldfinger.

" 'do you expect me to talk?'

'no, mr. bond. i expect you to die.' "
{said in his very best sinister villain voice}

then more laughter simultaneously spewed from us both.

it was just one of the many things that made our saturday silly and fun...

when i came up with the idea for this post title

{which didn't take a lot of brain power on my part},

i thought, "hmmm... it would be fun to do a whole week of posts this way.

i could give each weekday an adjective

that starts with the same letter as the day of the week."

so, that's just what i'll do!

to continue posting {about the day before} for each day this week,

i guess i'll be back here tomorrow with

"s{remains to be seen} sunday".

until then,

stay silly, friends!

i'm in... the picture

2012-01-28T10:57:00.002-06:00

so i made a daring decision to join urban muser's project for 2012 called in the picture. i say daring because, although i love the art form of self-portraiture, i am not at all close to feeling comfortable being in photographs... whether taken by others or myself {in which case i have more control over how the photo portrays me}. but the reasons i don't feel brave enough are also the reasons i wanted to join. i won't get into them now. i'll wait until the next time i participate in the selfie link-up party on urban muser's blog {or maybe next week?}.

i missed the link-up party yesterday, but it's only saturday morning, so i thought it's still okay to join in. i had taken some self-portraits yesterday after trying to get some spontaneous shots of issac with me playing on the floor. but i was not finished with the processing in time to submit them for this week's round {except for the blurry shot above}. so i'll post them later next week.

instead, for this week, i submitted a recent self-portrait shot... my book photo that i posted last week and used for my first texture tuesday submission.

the in the picture theme for january is a piece of me... a perfect way to start out for someone who is a little bit afraid, uncomfortable or shy to look at themselves through the lens. that's me. so christy encouraged us to shoot just "a piece" or only part of ourselves... whatever we feel comfortable with. {by the way, you have got to see her ultra cool floating-in-air selfie!}

anyway, the prompt theme made me think back to this shot that only shows my hands. it was not meant to be a self-portrait, but rather just to highlight the wonderfully worn pages of my vintage book and convey a theme of open. but the photo was there, it was fitting, and i had not yet taken self-portraits for this week, so i submitted it. i'm getting a lot of mileage out of this photo {a convenient thing to do, for time's sake}!

in fact, i have been asked to submit it to a gallery showing... so excited about that, but i need to get it printed and framed first.

okay... that's it. the level of comfort that i can muster for selfies today is a mysterious level... in a blurry shot and a hands-only shot. but a little mystery never hurt anyone, right? maybe by next friday, i'll get braver. i'm looking forward to a year of exploring this project.

you can check out the first round of s.p. images by several others here... some who were more brave than i... some who, like me, went with a more mysterious approach.

a few randomosities {thoughts and link love}, but hopefully i can tie them all together in the end

2012-01-26T16:42:00.001-06:00

randomosities... i thought maybe i made that word up in a stroke of "genius". but i looked it up. it's been used before, even if it's not a real word. oh, well. speaking of looking up words, i looked up a word a little while ago to see what it meant. it's a word i had heard before... often enough to recognize it. but i never really knew what it meant. and i must not have been curious enough to know either, because it wasn't until today that i made the effort... this time, i was curious! i'll get to all that in a little bit, though.

so, last week when i created the above superimposed image, i wanted to post it {and others like it} and title my post "doubly good"... or something like that. but, i never got around to posting or writing. so the images sat on my computer desktop and my thoughts sat on a shelf in my head.

i had created my image after discovering the images of a photographer whose work sort of stopped me in my tracks. her name is misha ashton. {even her name is cool, no?} i think i discovered her by clicking on a link in a fab.com e-mail or something like that... a daily e-mail that showcases different artists' products and work for sale.

well, upon clicking over to her site, i instantly knew i would love what i saw if i browsed around. and i was right! i am very drawn to the look of her images. and i completely love the "double exposure" work she creates. i'm not sure if she is doing true double exposures with her camera or if it is just a superimposing of two photos with editing software the way i did. but either way, i love the results!

anyway, i've wanted to experiment with combining different photos that i took for a while now. but i never got around to it until i was uber inspired by ashton's photography. {oh, by the way... she also sells the COOLEST one-of-a-kind photography belt buckles. i REALLY want one!}

it's sort of funny how i started the experimentation process out. i simply worked with the photos that i happened to have open in photoshop at the time, rather than going out and looking for two photos that i thought might work well together. {sort of like how professional fashion designer wanna-be creatives are assigned to work with only the clothes they are wearing at the time of the assignment to create a fashion piece/statement on the show project runway.}

i had open, already, this recent photo of my "good morning" coffee mug, as well as the bird photo you see on the left. {i also had several other photos from that winter bird photo shoot open... all taken years back. they were recently found on a c.d. i had in a box of discs, while looking for something else. more of those to come at another time.}

here is another crack at it, combining those two shots...

this "random" process of pairing two images was very similar to how i came up with this image and this image... actually, the first was more of a happy accident than anything. i had both images open in photoshop, and because the branch shot was larger, it could be seen behind the "window" of the trees shot, and i really liked how they looked layered together... so i combined them just as i saw them there on my monitor. it was like it was meant to be.

so now it's official... i've started {hopefully habitually} playing with photo combinations. and i don't think i'll ever stop! whenever i post any here, i'll label them "doubly good".

okay... now to the part that is the reason for my learning the definition of a word today. how can one be forty years old and just learning what a word means for the first time, even though they've heard it before? in my case, probably because i'm not a big reader, and i'm not really a proficient writer, either...

and what a nice segue that makes into this... you see, the other dose of inspiration i have lately received {today, actually} also came in the form of a link in an e-mail. it was an e-mail from typepad featuring a couple of their notable bloggers {sort of the way blogger has blogs of note}.

well, i don't really follow any blogs that are not photography blogs of some sort. the ones i do follow are either strictly for photography or a blend of photography and writing. but i don't consistently visit any that are solely writing... although that may change as of today. i was intrigued when i read in the e-mail about the blog called keitharsis. this blurb about him and his blog was what hooked me...

"keith jennings is an essayist whose beautifully, compelling blog is designed to be a sanctuary for creative writers, featuring missives that encourage his readers to treat our lives and work as portfolios, rather than paths. it's about thinking creatively and staying rooted in what really matters."

so i popped on over. and i really liked what i read!... the most recent post, especially. not only do i quite agree with what he wrote, but i found it very inspiring to myself as both an artist and as a tends-to-be-emotional person who is often affected by tension. his thoughts made me consider embracing tension, rather than avoiding it. and that would have a big impact on my blog, my photography habits and anything else i do that is creative.

i was SO happy to find his blog, because i've been lately considering taking a writing class. he is a writer who seems to want to inspire writing in others. i think i'll be one of his new readers! oh, and i almost forgot!... the word i learned {because he used it in his most recent post}. it's cathartic {purification or purgation of the emotions primarily through art}. i think i am sometimes cathartic! or at least, i hope i am, because i like to think i am artistic {even if not a great artist}, and i know i am emotional... so i hope i am also able to superimpose the two. {hey, do you like how i just brought it all back to the beginning of this post? *wink*}

okay, last but not least, one more link-love link. i promised i would link to a new blogger and photographer who i recently discovered through texture tuesday. her name is mona, and after she saw my first texture tuesday contribution, she e-mailed me and told me that i inspired her to take several photos of her own books and asked if i'd give her permission to link to my blog in her post, as well as mention me as her inspiration. i said, "of course!" and that i would love to return the gesture of a mention. so please go visit her lovely blog and beautiful photography. you'll be glad you did.

isn't it great how artists inspire artists? someone's photo inspired me to take one like it. then i, in turn, inspired another photographer. and a different photographer inspired me to take a leap and try something i had always wanted to dabble in. and finally, another artist of a completely different kind inspired me to be more free with my creativity, by freeing myself from the notion that tension is a bad thing.

i am reminded of one of my most loved song lyrics of all time... "tension is to be loved, when it is like a passing note to a beautiful, beautiful chord." {i wrote a bit about it a while back in this post.}

hoping your day {and art} is full of harmony and inspiration. thanks for reading!

a short story

2012-01-24T03:04:00.002-06:00

meet sophie... sophie the giraffe. she's isaac's newest friend {as of yesterday}. every giraffe has a story. this one is no exception... and for what sophie costs {even at 20% off with a coupon), she better have a story... and a good one!

actually, this toy is wonderful. of all the teething toys i've bought since isaac was born, this is the only one he likes and uses. he has barely put it down since i handed it to him yesterday morning. funny thing, too... i remember seeing it back when i was pregnant and registering, but i thought it was priced ridiculously high for a teething toy, so i did not add it to the registry despite how adorable i found it to be. it costs {i'm guessing} what all the other teething toys i've bought and tried for isaac cost combined. now i wish i had skipped them all and went right for the cadillac of teething toys.

let me just say... if you are pregnant or have a young baby who is about to start teething, or if you know of someone who is pregnant or has a young baby, this is one baby item purchase you don't want to skimp out on. {not that i ever skimp when it comes to isaac... he has all that he could ever need and want as a baby. but there are certain things where the less expensive version or a substitute of a baby item will do just fine... and there are quite a few things that parenting magazines and advertisements would have us thinking we need for baby, but never really use or actually need.}

anyway... tangent. back to my original point. i could explain why this toy is perfect for teething babies, and why it actually works {really well}. but why spend all that time when someone else did it for me... i.e. the manufacturers of the toy. they said it all with this cute little video... the story of sophie and how she came to be.

i actually came across the video accidentally, while looking for something else about sophie. it's cute, no?

here is what i was originally looking for... once upon a time, a simple story

it's a longer version of the "once upon a time..." story that is in the pamphlet that came in the box with sophie. {by the way, i know it's an uber popular name right now, but sophie is one of the names i would have wanted to name baby-b if we had conceived a girl... woh, now i'm really digressing!}

okay... back to le giraffe. i love her, because isaac loves her! for some strange reason, isaac would find anything but the other teething toys we bought for him to chew for relief... you know... remote control and other things we need but he doesn't. he tried the those teething "things"... rings and rattles and such. but none of them took. i think the fact that sophie makes noise, has an animated face, is easy to grasp, and is just the right chewing texture is what makes her the ticket!... and possibly the fact that this is the only teething object he has that has a name. *wink*

you'd think vulli was paying me to write this, wouldn't you? but they're not. i wish...

all i know is this... the next time i go to a baby shower, i'm giving this as a gift whether it's on the registry or not. it's not often i get this much behind a product because i believe in it. this is one i do, though.

and besides all that, she's just a cute little thing. and if she's makin' my boy happy while the rest of his toofers come in, then she's won my heart over!

. . .

{on my photo, i used the newest texture lovin' freebie texture from kim klassen. it's called "simplicity". and because it's tuesday, i linked up to join in some texture fun over here...

where the theme for this week was "story". i thought sophie's story would fit right in for this prompt.}

i caught a hamburglar

2012-01-21T00:20:00.000-06:00

and what a little ham he is!

but he's not just a ham! he's a little stinker, too... gettin' into everything he possibly can!

he keeps me on my toes, that's for sure!... especially when he is on his!

all i have to do is turn my head for a few seconds, and i'll turn back to find him standing, having pulled himself up by grabbing onto furniture or something. then he usually just gives me that look that says "what?... so what, i'm standing? what-a-ya gonna do about it?" if it's not that, then he's squealing/screeching in sheer delight at his accomplishment and new view!

and last week, for the first time,
he CRUISED!
i did not know what that baby term even meant, until a link to this chart was e-mailed to me when he turned seven months old. each week, i get an e-mail from baby center that updates me on what my baby will probably be doing in the week ahead per what the average baby does.

well, that's how i learned that when it comes to certain things, this guy is NOT the average! he's blazing right on past the normal milestone markers and has decided he's gonna do things his own way! i knew we were in trouble when, before he turned six months, he started pulling himself up to stand using the spindles of his crib when he was supposed to be sleeping... the little snot! *wink*

of course, i'm proud of him! and i realize there might be people who would say, "he needs to learn to develop his crawling skills before he learns to walk, because he will need to learn coordination." but to those people i would say, "i hear you. but... let me just say, i've seen him crawl... he seems to have it down pretty solid. and even after he learns to walk, i'm sure he'll continue to crawl. plus, every baby is different. so i'm not too concerned. i figure, i'm gonna be chasin' him to watch out for him if he's only crawling, anyway. so i don't mind doing the same because he's cruising or walking early. in fact, why not get it over with? the sooner he learns and perfects those two things, the sooner he won't need as much supervision. mind you, it's not that i'm encouraging him. he just wants to do it on his own! in fact, if i try to sit him down to play with a toy, he'll have nothing of it!
*sigh*
{i guess i'm hoping he'll develop the skills that come from playing with learning toys later on.}

okay...
so here's the part where i treat this post like a page in a baby scrapbook and ~~record milestones~~ brag about my son {even though i don't really have bragging rights, as his rate of development has little to do with me}. here's what the chart says should most likely happen for my seven-month-old from now until when he is a year old...

~7 months~

mastered skills:

sits without support { √... was doing so at about 5 mo.}

drags objects toward himself { √... started this around 6 mo.}

emerging skills:

lunges forward or starts crawling { √... started lunging/rocking at about 6 mo., officially crawled at 6 mo., 3 wks.}

jabbers or combines syllables { √... he's doing so at the moment, actually}

advanced skills:

waves goodbye {not yet... but workin' on it}

stands while holding onto something { √... was doing this before he even hit 6 mo.}

bangs objects together { √... just started}

begins to understand object permanence { √... i think he's started this... not sure}

~8 months~

mastered skills:

says "mama" or "dada" to parents, but isn't specific

{ √... was saying mama at about 4.5 mo., usually when hungry {{and yes, that one i did train him on}}

he started saying dada at about 6 mo., but is only just now using it in association with dad}

passes objects from hand to hand { √... i don't recall when that started}

emerging skills:

stands while holding onto something { √ }

advanced skills:

pulls self to standing { √... he started this at almost 6 mo., he's got crazy strong legs!}

cruises { √... started last week just after hitting 7 mo., but it's a slow process when he does}

picks things up with thumb-finger pincer grasp { √... it still needs to be finessed, but he's doing it!}

indicates wants with gestures {little bit}

~9 months~

mastered skills:

stands while holding onto something { √... see above}

jabbers or combines syllables { √ }

understands object permanence { √ }

emerging skills:

cruises while holding onto furniture { √ }

drinks from a sippy cup { √... just started}

eats with fingers { √... just started}

bangs objects together { √... started that today... and i sort of taught him that one}

advanced skills:

says "mama" or "dada" to the correct parent { √... although, tonight, he called mr. b. mama, but he usually gets it}

~10 months~

mastered skills:

waves goodbye {workin' on that... almost there!}

picks things up with pincer grasp { √ }

crawls well, with belly off the ground { √... that was the case the first time he crawled, in fact}

emerging skills:

indicates wants with gestures { √... has been for several weeks... still rather rudimentary, though}

~11 months~

mastered skills:

says "mama" or "dada" to the correct parent { √... still fine-tuning that one}

cruises { √ }

emerging skills:

understands "no" and simple instructions { √ for the first, and he only understands a couple simple instructions}

advanced skills:

stoops from standing position {well, no, not yet... but he can stoop from the standing-while-holding-on position very well}

~12 months~

mastered skills:

imitates others' activities {not mastered, but has begun}

indicates wants with gestures { √ }

emerging skills:

says one word besides "mama" or "dada" { √... he says the word "more"!... and i'm currently teaching him "please".

of course, his pronunciation needs work.}

okay... i know i don't actually have bragging rights. if i thought i did, then what i said above about thinking every kid is different wouldn't be true. but i really believe that's the case, and that those varying rates of development are not any indication of genius or lack thereof. i've seen it first-hand with the babies of others i know. at some point, they all catch up or slow down to be on the same playing field... or should i say playground? still... if he keeps this up, i'm hoping he'll be able to learn song and dance just so he'll be able to keep us entertained these next four months after he's conquered everything else.
*giggle*

if anything, while i am proud of isaac, i'm also a bit reluctant to "allow" him to keep changing... hahaha... as if i have any say in the matter. but you know what i mean. he just changes so much, so fast, i feel like i'll miss out on so much. every time i grow delightfully accustom to one stage or phase, he's just about on to another.

oh, and get this! i almost forgot to mention... he just got his first toofer!!!... his bottom-right front tooth. can you see it poked out of his gum here?

there have been lots of other little firsts, too. like his first bruise... yes, he tumbled forward while climbing around. ouchy... right on his forehead. poor little guy. he also got his first cut... still don't know what it was that sliced the skin on his thumb, because i looked around to find what it could have been, but did not find anything. and it happened while i was sitting with him on the ground. just goes to show... you can be watching them, being careful, and things will still happen.

i can say this. whatever this kid ends up doing as an adult, i have a feeling it will involve being very physically active! {we're still holding out for a player on the chicago bears and an orchestra conductor.}

well, all this to say, it should come as no surprise that i have not blogged in over a week and have taken very few photos {other than these}. everyone told me this would be a very busy stage {once he began crawling}, but, my, oh my! i did not know just how busy.

and on top of it, i've been under such a fog... just not quite myself. don't get me wrong... i am soooo enjoying isaac. but i'm just so out of it in every other way. i think it partly has to do with the fact that there are so many whacky things going on in my life right now. but i'll survive.

in fact, i'm thinking... very soon, i may begin to start to feel like my old self again. you see, at seven months old, this little jail-break has FINALLY begun to sleep through the night. we're talkin' between eight to twelve hours! maybe, just maybe, mr. b and i will now sleep more than three or four hours at a time. i think our internal clocks got so used to waking every few hours for so many months, now we just wake up whether we need to or not! so we are still draggin' quite a bit. i did not know the human body could go so long with so little and such broken up sleep. it's odd... isaac is sleeping more, and as a result, has boundless energy... fuel to crawl, climb and cruise to heart's content.
but me?
T.I.R.E.D

but all i can say is this...
look at this peanut.

hands down, he's worth it!

happy weekend to you all!
thank you for all the sweet comments on my last couple of posts!
i will try my best to pay a return visit to each of you.
but as you can see... i might not get around to it for another year or two.
=)

six months, three weeks... and he's off!

2012-01-10T22:30:00.000-06:00

yup... he started crawling last friday. my life will never be the same! get me some tennies, 'cause i'm gonna be ~~runnin'~~ chasing for the next several months!

this photo was actually taken three days before the big day... when he was getting good and ready to crawl, up on all fours and rockin' back and forth. he had been doing that for a few weeks prior. then last friday, he just decided he was going to make it official... no in-between army crawl... just a straight-out-of-the-gate sprint. i woke up that morning and thought to myself, "i bet he's going to crawl today." i could just tell he was ready. so after i had my morning coffee, i set him down in the dining room and put a toy about four feet away from him. he went for it on hands and knees. he didn't fall or even waver. he got all the way to the toy, stopped, lowered his belly, and grabbed it with his hands.

i was so proud of him! i really think it's just a matter of a month or two before he is walking. in fact, we thought he might walk before he crawled, because his legs are very strong, he loves to stand and climb, he takes real {coordinated} steps when we hold his hands or arms to walk him, and he just can't be still. he has to be movin'!

i took him to the pediatrician yesterday, and they pointed out that his bottom-right front tooth is about to come in, too. you can see it about to pop out of the gum. his first tooth! another big milestone!

i can hardly believe it when i look at him these days... how much he has changed in so little time. and he is becoming quite the character. always laughing. always making us laugh. just more affirmation that he was aptly named.

i actually had a few really rough days this past weekend and yesterday. but i can't even begin to say how much he has blessed me in the midst of it. i remember thinking to myself yesterday {after having locked my keys in the car and then having been shown rudeness at his doctor appointment}, "what joy he gives me, even when i'm having one crappy day!" it's almost like he knew that i was having a bad day and that i was on the verge of tears, so he decided to be extra sweet and loving because of it. he was in the best of spirits and so easy-going... a precious antidote to frustrating mishaps and hurtful gossipers.

i've always hoped i could cheer him up and make his days better when he is having an off day. but i never realized just how much he could do the same for me. his disposition these past few days has been such a bright spot... and all while the little guy is teething! i can't imagine what a sweetheart he will be when all his teeth are in!

SO loving this little man... words can't even express.

if i crack it open, i just might find some quiet there... and i might even reach page two hundred and ninety-nine

2012-01-05T10:12:00.000-06:00

post updated 1.17.12to participate in today's...

so i saw a photo similar to the above shot that i took
while i was on pinterest the other day,

and i thought to myself,

"i really want to take a photo like that."

so i did.

i honestly like the one i saw better.

but i like mine, too.

they are different in their own way.

but very similar, as well.

anyway, it was the vintage book in the original photo

that had me searching my book shelves for one of my own.

sometimes i am tempted to buy vintage books
solely for how charming they look

and how they might transform

a table or shelf...

or even an entire room.

but if i did that, i would have more useless clutter than i need

or already have.

so when i buy vintage books,

i try to purchase ones that are actually about

something that truly interests me...

something i would read,

whether the pages were old and perfectly worn or not...

whether or not the cover was frayed

or skin oils from hands that held it had seeped in to give it that oily sheen.

this is one such book.

it's about the life of franz schubert... my favorite composer.

i bought it so long ago,

and except for a couple skim-throughs,

i've not yet read it.

i'm so glad i sought it out and picked it up for this photo.

now, it's no longer out-of-sight, out-of-mind.

and now,

in my efforts to create a new level of quiet in my life.

i think i'll read this book

in place of any time i would have spent watching television.

being the music-lover that i am
and the kind of person that is more stimulated by film than i am by books,
i'm tempted to just listen to some schubert
or watch a documentary about him instead.
but neither of those are sans sound.
and because the one thing about reading that has always appealed to me
{even though i've never been a big reader}
is that it seems to provide a sense of quietness and focus and relaxation,
i am going to force myself to read about him, instead.

at my college graduation ceremony,

the president of the college
{who was also the commencement speaker}

gave this admonition to the graduates...

"always be part-way through a good book."

i think he meant always be in the middle of reading something,

or in other words, be constantly reading books, one after another.

i have not done that.

but {sadly} i've fulfilled his suggestion in another way.

you see, i've started so many books,

only to never finish them.

{i'm just not a reader.}

so i am {pathetically} always in the middle of a good book.

and when i say "middle", i mean way towards the front.

and when i say "always"... well, you get what i'm driving at.

i don't finish what i start when it comes to books.

i recall that in the past,

i have made "read more" one of my resolutions.

but it never really took.

maybe now, though, it will happen...

as a byproduct of seeking quiet out.

wish me luck.

approximately 300 pages isn't too lofty a goal, right?

what about you?

got any books you're planning to read this year?

stop and stay

2012-01-04T01:53:00.003-06:00

i find it interesting that i went from strength to quiet for my word for 2011 and 2012 respectively. it is interesting to me because, although i did not plan it this way when i chose my word and announced what it would be a couple weeks ago, i am realizing today that they somewhat go hand-in-hand. i think it takes a considerable amount of strength to be quiet, seek quiet, create quiet, foster quiet and cultivate quiet... especially in areas where you are prone or conditioned or patterned not to.

with our unexpected pregnancy, job situation and financial insecurity at the end of 2010, i knew going into 2011 that i would need strength and would need to make that my focus for the coming months of pregnancy and being a first-time mom.

i must say... i was skeptical about this "picking a word for the year" thing. i had been a creature of habit that wanted to keep things old-school and do my usual list of resolutions. but picking that one word was effective... and it worked! it really did! some may say that i would have found strength anyway. but i think that my "think on this thing" mindset worked. and i not only felt that i had the strength i needed for all that i expected in 2011, but also for all that i did not expect.

dwelling on the word strength helped me have a blissful labor and delivery. but something else that i remember remarkably about labor and delivery and coming home from the hospital with isaac is quiet. i made up my mind to have a quiet and calm labor. i had heard "horror" stories in birthing classes... of really difficult and noisy birth experiences for some moms. but i had also heard that the more calm you are, the better the labor, the better the delivery, and the more you will enjoy it and remember it. i wish i could remember more than i do... those darn drugs! but i do remember a wonderful sense of calm and peace. {being surrounded by the ones who were with me was a big part of that, too... the best husband, the best doctor and the best nurse!}

anyway, as i had stated a couple weeks ago, my goal this year is to remove from my life {as much as is in my power to do so} all the noise that should not be there.

i have to get organized and join either the jill coyners or ali edwards one little word online journeys/projects so that i can begin to seek quiet out through photography. i was joining in with jill coyners last year for my strength word, but i was not very consistent with my photos/posts that depicted and spoke of strength. i did still focus on it throughout the year, though... even when i didn't realize it. {i think that's why putting the word out there and claiming it as your focus or goal is important... it really does stay with you.}

well, though i am not yet joined up with any online one little word groups, i officially start my one word {quiet} photos and posts today. actually, i had used a different photo to start things off, but it's inside the draft of another post... a post that will be a sort of proclamation of all the ways i will seek out quiet and sift out the noise this year. but i had to stop that post, because it was actually too painful to write.

even writing this one is painful in some ways. i guess one would not typically think the word quiet comes with a connotation of pain. but for me, it does in part... mostly because i have to quiet {or make a stand for quietness} some of the things in my life that are a source of noise and distraction, but also a source of pain. so writing about it as i go into 2012 is difficult too.

but it is a part of what i strongly desire to achieve... a simple quiet that resembles the words on my words i aspire to page... a quiet that is public when i'm okay for it to be and private when i need for it to be.

today, that quiet is in these old photos... i took them long ago with an old camera. but i gave them a new life today. and i found quietness in them that spoke as softly to my eyes as the word itself does to my soul.

i've already begun. i made turkey soup-stock tonight after mr. b and isaac went to bed. it was quiet. there were tears, because i see the road ahead. but other than that, there was no room for thoughts... nor for questions, or wondering, or conclusion. i needed it to be quiet. i needed it to be just me... just making turkey stock for soup. nothing more. so that is what it was.

and it sounds odd, i know.... but that is very much a symbolic picture of what my year will be. that might not make much sense to many. but i know that as i continue to write, photograph and walk on this quiet journey, it will all unfold.

it's beginning to get very quiet inside this year. i've found a good place to stop and stay a while.

a happy new year... my, how things have changed!

2011-12-31T22:56:00.000-06:00

"the greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions,
not our circumstances."
~martha washington

greetings, all!

popping in this new year's eve to wish you a truly happy year in 2012!

i just said to mr. b.,
"i don't know how we could top what happened to us in 2011."
{meaning, what could possibly be better in my life
than the birth of our first child...
especially after thinking for so long
that we would never have one... or any.}
but he said, "sure we can...
we'll get to know him more and more...
he'll get to know us, and we'll begin to communicate more and more."
okay... true... i agree.
but still.
i certainly don't think i will ever know, again,
the thrill that it was to give birth to our beautiful, hoped-for, healthy baby.
even if we were to ever have another,
it's that first experience that is unlike anything.

the three of us are spending yet another holiday quietly together,

all nestled up where it's warm and cozy.

we've never been ones to do a lot of partying on new year's eve.

we certainly always tried to stay up late... sometimes even all night, if we could.
{oh, i miss those all-night moviethons!}

but there will be none of that this year.

we're old folks with a very young baby boy.

bedtime will probably be very close to the sound of

"...three, two, one

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"...

perhaps only just slightly on the other side of it.

anyway, mr. b. is cooking steak and lobster tails,

isaac is in bed for the night,

and i sit here and type my post for the new year.

when i added the words

"happy new year"

to my bokeh photo above,

it made me think a lot about that word... happy... or happiness.

there are probably a million different definitions for it out there.

ask any one person,

and their definition will be different from the next.

and if you don't believe me,

just look at the wide array of definitions quoted from

just a handful of well-known people below.

i may not completely agree with each quote

or the person that said it,

but there are several quotes i really like and do agree with.

and it's clear that in all of them {or most}

there is a universal theme...

happiness does not lie in things we own or consume,

but rather in giving of ourselves and having a life that possesses meaning,

no matter what our circumstances.

i always say to people

"if you aren't happy without {fill in the blank... i.e., a husband, a baby, friends, a job, money, a perfect body},

you won't be happy with it, either."

i think you'll find that is the theme of many of these quotes.

anyway, here are the quotes.

there are so many more that i wanted to include.

but to keep this post a bit shorter than it had to be,

i limited it to these...

gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. no matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for.
~barry neil kaufman

joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.
~leo tolstoy

each morning when i open my eyes i say to myself: i, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. i can choose which it shall be. yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. i have just one day, today, and i'm going to be happy in it.
~groucho marx

optimist: person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.
~mark twain

if you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.
~andrew carnegie

most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
~abraham lincoln

there is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. he who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. we must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.
~alexandre dumas

my life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet i'm happy. i can't figure it out. what am i doing right?
~charles schulz

to be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.
~bertrand russell

people say that money is not the key to happiness, but i always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
~joan rivers

gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy—because we will always want to have something else or something more.
~david steindl-rast

the basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. and happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. if your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.
~tenzin gyatso

but what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?
~albert camus

the most i can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. i have no wealth to bestow on him. if he knows that i am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. is not friendship divine in this?
~henry david thoreau

i don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing i do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.
~albert achweitzer

happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
~denis waitley

if you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden. he will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator.
~w. beran wolfe

happiness cannot come from without. it must come from within. it is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.
~helen keller

happiness, it seems to me, consists of two things: first, in being where you belong, and second—and best—in comfortably going through everyday life... that is, having had a good night's sleep and not being hurt by new shoes.
~theodor fontane

i especially like that last quote...

it's so apropos for us right now.
isaac is not sleeping very well these days... up several times a night.
we were more rested when we first came home from the hospital
than we are now since he's been eating solids.
we think it's because he has begun to teeth recently.
this too shall pass.
but, oh, how we long for a stretch of sleep that lasts more than three hours!
six hours would do wonders for us!
it's amazing how difficult it is to remain positive about all things
when you have not had a decent night sleep in months.
it takes all you have to not be annoyed easily
at things that you can easily let go of when you are well-rested.
*sigh*

well, as long as we are on the subject of happy,
here are a couple things making me happy tonight...
or at least making me smile.

no... it's not an egg nog scented candle.
{i know... it sort of looks like a candle, doesn't it?}

it's my own drink concoction...

butterscotch egg nog.
{perhaps this is not an original drink, but i have never had one,
and i thought of it on my own... so i call it my own.}

it has just the right amount {a splash} of warming butterscotch liqueur

to give me that warm new year cheer

without having too much alcohol content for nursing isaac.

i'd normally have some champagne,

but this will do just fine in its place this year.

here is something else that is bringing a smile to my face.
the way isaac looked tonight in his new hat...
knit for him by his grandma.

i did not get the best pics,
because it was rather dark in the room when i took them.
but he's precious enough to still be cute,
even in a not-so-hot photo from mama.

well, as this year fades away
and the new one takes its place,
i wish you true peace and joy and happiness as the days unfold.

so long, twenty-eleven!
i love what you had in store for me...
especially on june 15th and every day since!

welcome, twenty-twelve!!!

merry christmas, dear friends!

2011-12-25T12:57:00.000-06:00

i just wanted to pop in

before we leave to go spend christmas day and dinner with friends and family.

we had a sweet, quiet christmas eve here...

just mr. b, isaac and me.

and it was just us three this christmas morning, too.

we spent the morning opening all of isaac's gifts

{no gifts for the big kids this year},

and listened to the time life christmas cd.

after coffee and cookies, of course...

dark chocolate pepperidge farm cookies that little isaac got into.
i caught him in the act, too...

i got pictures of him with chocolate all over his face.

it's no wonder that he loves chocolate already.

i consumed it all the time while he was in my tummy.

anyway, it's christmas, so i let him nibble

on the edge of my crispy bordeaux delight.

{shhhh... don't tell.}

i'll be sure to post the pics of his gift-opening

at some point this week.

it was a special time.

we were all so tired.

but it was almost more fun that way.

isaac even got present-drunk after a while...

that's just our term for very-sleepy-but-in-too-much-gift-opening-ecstasy-to-care.

anyway, i just wanted to wish a very merry christmas to you all...

and say thank you for being a part of my life.

blog friends are every bit as dear to me

as in-the-flesh friends.

and so i wish you just as merry of a christmas...

or season, if you are not one to celebrate christmas.

i am one to.

and this year, it was the words of the last verse of o holy night

that struck me the most in regards to why i celebrate christmas and believe what i believe.

the words are...

truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
and in His name all oppression shall cease.

i just about cry
every time i hear those words sung this season.
{i have a wonderful CD by the cambridge singers
with a version of that song on it.
i tend to listen to it over and over each year come christmas.}
those words always sort of get me when i hear them.
but this year, more than ever.

anyway, i better wrap this up before it gets too long.
i have some things to finish doing
before isaac wakes up from his nap and i have to bathe him
and dress him in his christmas finest
{a sweet little red plaid shirt under a red sweater vest...
mr. b says he looks like a roll of scotch tape when he wears it.}

but before i go...
as promised, the rest of those sweet shots of isaac that i took for our christmas card.
the first shot {above} was going to be the card.
but then i found a great e-card company called pingg,
and i decided to make a new card on that web site
using the last shot below.
many of you received that e-card.
but some of you, i could not send it to,
because when you leave comments,
it's not linked to your e-mail,
and thus i don't have your e-mail address.
if you are one such person,
consider yourself one of the recipients
by clicking here
to view the card.

a very merry and blessed christmas to you!
~love, georgia

oh, you better watch out! ...

2011-12-25T02:02:00.001-06:00

i'm tellin' you why...

santa clause is coming to town!!!

there you have it... this officially wraps up
my little santa's comin' to town mini series.
i hope you enjoyed it!

. . .

it's almost two in the morning.

it's officially christmas day.

i just finished wrapping isaac's presents.

we could not find a cute stocking for him,
so we are using one of the my slippers
{seen here from this self-portrait taken when he was in my tummy about this time last year}.

{don't worry, i washed them really well first.}

i'm exhausted, going on only four hours of sleep from friday evening.

tonight was magical.

almost too much to write about.

do you remember those sweet little vintage candies we grew up with every christmas...

you know the ones... with the different stripes of color woven in each one?

remember some were a little bit coconut flavored?

do you know the ones?

if you know what i'm talking about,

you'll remember they were all so tasty... there was never a favorite flavor,

for each one made up the experience {as a whole}
of a sweet moment of digging in to find that perfect candy,

even though they were all perfect.

well, that's how this night was.

so many sweet memories.

i couldn't possibly pick one as being better than the other.

it was the sum of the parts that made it special...

not one specific part.

but there are a few of those sweet gems that stand out as i type half asleep,

on my way to bed, stocking cap and all.

one was listening to nat king cole's version of o tannembaum

as i sat on the couch and nursed isaac.

it was overwhelmingly special.

i had learned that song as a child,

and sang it somewhere in some sort of christmas program.

to now be holding a child of my own with that memory of my childhood was indescribable.

we also listened to the capenter's christmas cd,

we watched about a half hour of it's a wonderful life together,

we sat on the ground and played with toys together,

with not much more than the cozy glow of the christmas tree

and some christmas music to set the mood.

cheese, sausage, crackers, appetizers, wine, egg nog.

cookies, too.

we forgot to break those out, though.

i hope santa knows which cupboard we store them in.

we giggled.

i got teary-eyed.

i couldn't believe this was actually happening.

we were sitting there with our son on christmas eve.
i had to really focus on that,
as not doing so purposefully
would have resulted in me just going through the motions
of the many things i do each day to care for isaac.
i had to remind myself to be amazed about where we are at
and how we got there.

there were still some missing pieces...

some sweetnesses that were not in the candy dish.

and though the night was full of the sweetest of memories,

the ones that weren't there to fill up the jar

were the source of an ache i could feel underneath it all.
some call that bitter/sweet.
i just call it sweet, but shy of how sweet it could have been.
i might be bitter if i let myself.
but it was more of an ache than anything.

i think it may have been a good thing

that i was so tired... so as not to dwell on that part.

i might have missed the joyful part.

mr. b. and isaac are sleeping right now.
and i am not far behind them.

isaac had woken up once since we put him down.

normally, i would go in and try to comfort him

and get him to go back to sleep on his own.

but we felt an urge to go get him

and bring him into the living room

to see all the wrapped gifts under the tree

that had not been there just a couple hours earlier, before he went to bed.

we put him down right in front of the gifts,
and he just sat and stared while talking to them.

it was beyond precious.

then it was back to bedtime for bonzo!

and he was given fair warning... "sleep well tonight,

or no blueberry pancakes and presents in the morning!"

i'm far too tired to keep writing.

and though it's officially christmas,

i have no steam left

to post the photos of isaac that i took for a christmas card
they will have to wait.

who's reading blogs on christmas anyway, right?

in fact, who even has time to write on them?

oh... that's right.

i do.

but at a price.

i really should be sleeping right now.

and what's worse, santa knows i am awake,

so i expect to find coal in my stocking tomorrow.

maybe i can get a smaller amount if i hurry and get to bed now...

that said,
zzz.

he's makin' a list. he's checkin' it twice. he's gonna find out...

2011-12-24T01:23:00.002-06:00

who's naughty...

{so busted!}

or nice...

{so sweet.}

~ ~ ~

i could hardly bring myself to post today. my mood does not go with the whimsical nature of this post {or at least not with the photos and title parts, anyway}, as i've felt beyond disheartened for much of the day. there are some things i will never understand {not for lack of trying} and today was one of those days where that realization got to me.

it started out okay. but then i saw some things that made me further question things i already had a difficult time understanding.

it's not as if today was the first time i have had a day like this... it's not even the first time since isaac was born. but it's been a while. and on days like this during my pre-mama career, it was one thing... i could do what i had to in the privacy of my home... cry, pray through some frustrated sighs and tears, question things out loud, sniffle, even growl and vent. but when you have a little one who is always at your hip or ankles, always looking up to you, days like this are a lot different. you have to hold it in... hold it together... for their sake. and that is not always so easy to do. in fact, sometimes doing it makes you feel even worse, 'cause you can't get it out the way you used to. and then you just blow a gasket after a while! i don't want that peanut to pick up on my sadness or frustration or feelings of utter disappointment or anger.

i'm sure if i google it, i'll find lots of little sermons on how to be a good mom that does not let her kid{s} see her struggles or the emotions that come about as a result. and i plan to read those sermons some day, unless someone reading can lend a word of advice about how they do it in their own lives with their own kids.

but today, i'm just feeling spent. i'm disappointed in myself for letting my son see a side of me he has not seen very much... a side that so obviously affected his mood. and i'm disappointed that i let myself even be that way at all, kids or no kids.

it was, on my part, pure lack of faith, strength or ability to rest in truth. and while i possess those three things much of the time, they sometimes drain out of me... and today, i hit an all-time low today. i was more a restless wreck than i was a calm, strong, at-peace mom.

oh, and moods like this don't stop with the kids. hubby's get the backlash, too.

let's just say, i was acting more childish than my own son was acting... and i don't mean "nice". i could much more appropriately be labeled under the ~~"naughty"~~ category... ummm... "brat" might have been my husband's word of choice.

picture my face {and the face of my heart} a little more like isaac's face in the first photo above... g r r r r r r !

i'm fortunate to have a forgiving, understanding, listening hubby. but kids of less than one year old just don't have those capacities yet. thankfully, though, they also don't remember things for too long. by the time we went to bed, we were all cuddling on the couch together, playful and at peace. letting go of bad moods and miscommunications and any external circumstances that threaten to steal our joy. rough night behind us.

i expect i'll need to learn to harness my emotions around my son as he grows. i don't want to ignore them or hide them... they are part of real life that i want him to not just know about, but expect to come along. but i do most definitely want to keep them in check. and i want to, in doing so, teach him to deal with the things in his life that aren't always pretty or perfect.

i was recently advised by a friend from church who i really respect to flow with the river of pain or sadness or anger, when grieving something. i used to get down on myself for feeling these things... as if i should be bigger than them and not let them affect my days. i felt a great sense of relief when she told me this. i would much rather flow in a river of those {seemingly} negative emotions, than sit or even drown in stagnant pools of them that fester into bitterness and hate.

she gave me permission to grieve.

it was like getting permission to breathe.

now, i just need to find that blend of permission, surrender and obedience that will make me the wife and mom i should be for my husband and son... even when i'm having a really, really bad day.

he sees you when you're sleeping. he knows when you're awake.

2011-12-23T02:29:00.003-06:00

if i had a wider blog page, i would have placed these three images side-by-side in a triptych {like i did here}, but because my blog column is somewhat narrow, i thought too much of the detail would be lost if i placed them side-by-side. so i added them vertically as i typically do. but if you clicked on the link above, would you agree that the triptych would be a nice order if i were to have these shots printed and framed? i would love have that done on canvases for his nursery.

i originally had a different photo picked out for this post. this one...

it was taken quite a while ago {around thanksgiving, i think?} i had remembered it when i got the idea to do this little santa's coming to town series, and i made a mental note to use it for this post.

but since then {a few nights ago}, i happened onto one of those serendipitous occasions... you know, where you are in the right place at the right time? at one point, i was at the computer, and at the complete other end of the house was isaac and mr. b. i thought they were in there together watching t.v. and winding down for bed. well, actually, they had been doing that when i left them. they were watching a special about vintage andy williams christmas specials on p.b.s., but sweet isaac was so tuckered out, he had fallen asleep right there on his dad's lap... watching television upside down, of course... which he loves to do!

mr. b. very gingerly reached for his phone so as not to wake isaac up. he wanted to call me to come see isaac. {we're giddy, goofy parents like that... always calling the other to come in and see something cute that isaac is doing.}

anyway, it turned out that i was already on my way into the room to get isaac and put him down for the night. when i walked in, i was to find him so adorably sprawled out across mr. b's lap, in what looked like a less-than-comfortable position to sleep. but i guess when you can sleep like a baby, you can sleep anywhere, any time, in any position... oh, how i would love to sleep that well again!

well, needless to say, i had to run and get my camera and pray that by the time i returned, he would not wake up. and as you can see, he did not. and when i was done taking {far too many} pictures, i sat with them on the couch and watched the rest of the christmas special. it was a moment i'll never forget... especially not now that i have photos of it and now that i wrote about it here.

speaking of magical moments that i will never forget, we took isaac out to a couple stores to get him some christmas presents tonight. we got a late start, and i was not sure how he would handle it all. i thought he might get cranky in the stores and be so tired that we would not feel comfortable taking him with while we went to get something to eat afterward.

but there was something in the air... maybe the bright lights? maybe the aisles of endless toys? maybe just getting out of the house, period? i don't know what it was, but isaac was in the very best mood! we were looking for a little kid guitar for him {we found the cutest one at world market}. so while we were in the toy aisle, we held up some of the instruments {like tambourines or maracas} and played them for him. he would just giggle and giggle with glee.

then we went to toys-r-us, and it was a similar experience. when we found the stuffed toys aisle, i was able to get him to laugh quite loud and for such an extended amount with a big stuffed green turtle and a silly little stuffed giraffe. it was the longest he has ever gone on laughing, and we were so tickled by it. {i'm no dummy... those were the two animals i purchased for him. mr. b. was scolding me for showing them to isaac. but that was how i knew which ones to get!}

i know isaac has no idea what christmas is all about right now. and i know that shopping for christmas gifts means nothing to him right now... we could have been grocery shopping, and he would have been just as sweet and playful. but there was something about knowing that we were out looking for gifts for our first christmas with him that made it pure bliss.

it was such a fun night, that i "begged" mr. b. to let us go out to eat afterward. {he does not typically like to eat out.} there is a chinese restaurant a few doors down from toys-r-us. we've eaten carry out from there many times. but this was the first time we went there to eat in. they have the very best crab rangoon!! we were one of only two occupied tables. it was late. isaac was tired, but still in the sweetest mood {like i've never seen him before}, and i made up my mind right then and there that this would be our christmas tradition {or one of them}... every year, after shopping for isaac's gifts, we will go get chinese food as a family.

i think knowing that this beginning of a tradition that sort of just hunkered down into our family... unplanned, sort of unexpectedly, but almost like it was always meant to be... that was the best part of the entire evening.

and i don't think i can even wait another 365 days until we can do it again.

he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!

2011-12-21T23:07:00.000-06:00

{i'm doing a little mini series of the lyrics from santa clause is coming to town set to pictures of isaac. i've started at the end so that, by the time i've posted them all, they lyrics will read downward in order as one scrolls down to view the posts.

see you tomorrow with another line or two!}

life shift = blog shift... it was one year ago today. and speaking of the number one, i've chosen my "one word" for 2012. and i think it goes quite nicely with today's post.

2011-12-21T00:12:00.001-06:00

i had hoped to get this posted earlier in the day.

but i've been working on processing a christmas toddler photo shoot all day...

looking inward... what's ornamenting the holidays inside my home

2011-12-14T01:30:00.002-06:00

first, i wanted to say thank you

for all the kind comments on my late-night downtown photo-walk post.

i'm so glad that several of you enjoyed them.

it made me feel like i got to invite you

to visit

and walk around in the lights with me.

i like that!

well, even though i had planned to break away from my blog for most of the rest of december,

i found that i was taking more photographs than when i was blogging every day.

but the photos i was taking weren't for my blog...

they were for my christmas card designs.

i started out with the idea that i would use one for our family card this year.

but then i realized that i absolutely had to use a photo of issac for our card...

it is his first christmas, after all.
{oh, and you're just gonna have to wait to see those pics!}
*wink*

but i had so much fun taking photographs of the christmas decor

that is ornamenting my home right now,

i figured i'd just keep right on shooting,

and use them for generic cards that i could possibly sell some day.

who knows whether i will ever sell them or not.

but even if i don't,

i have a bunch of photos,

and i felt it was a shame to not use them right now.

so after taking you on that little adventure
to see what's ornamenting my town outside this christmas,

i thought i'd let you see some of what is ornamenting my home inside.

much like what was outdoors lining the streets,

there's a lot of glitter and shimmer and shine in here.

one thing you couldn't see outside in the streets, though, was chocolate.
but you can bet it can be found inside these four walls!

a little chocolate never hurt anyone.
{well, i guess that's not true for dogs. *wink*}

of course, who am i kidding?

i don't need christmas as an excuse to have chocolate around my home.

this photo was not taken with a christmas card in mind.

but i did take it for the shutter sisters december "savor" one word project.

these little purple wrappers

{with fun little messages on the inside}

are adorning many surfaces inside my home right now.

i guess the foil could be considered festive.

again... i don't need christmas to enjoy chocolate.

but i thought i'd post it anyway.

something else you wouldn't have found out on the streets... my friends.
{or any people, for that matter... it was midnight, remember.}

this holiday season, it's been nice to have my home filled with the warmth of friends.
over this past weekend,

they came to play games, bring homemade bread, pick up furniture,
give gifts, eat mexican cuisine, laugh...
and of course, see isaac!

here is one such friend...

...with her two daughters.

{this was not taken for any christmas card either... but rather to record great memories.}

her husband and son came, too... but they were busy hangin'
with isaac and mr. b when this was taken.

i treasure my friends, and i've been so glad to have them around at this time.

it means the world to me that they take the time

to come visit and watch isaac grow.

well... you know what i mean...

it's not like they get here and sit on the ground
while literally attempting to watch him grow bigger and taller.

what i mean is, they make a point to see him often,

and thus get to see him change and develop.

tomorrow, he'll be six months old,
and i can't believe how different he is since the day we brought him home.

yes, it only makes sense.

but i still marvel at the many changes i see every single day.
that's why i am happy when a friend gets to witness those changes, too.

anyway, it's fun to have the holiday decorations out for a change.

{this is the second year they've been out after a stretch of many years

where i did not put up any decorations... not even a tree.}

but it's friends that make this home warmer than any soft white lights ever could.

here {on the left} is another shot of the friend above.
this time, with her son {who happens to be isaac's best bud} and one of her daughters.

on the right is a different friend who came to visit the day before.

she and her husband don't have kids... yet.

but they like to practice being parents with isaac.

i love her nickname for him... "handsome".

he's just got her wrapped around his finger... or is it the other way around?

okay... you get the idea.

there are a lot more things i could picture.

but i've hit the major themes.

i've got just a couple more photos to add.

the above photo was another attempt at a christmas card.

when i set it up, i really did not intend for it to have any symbolism.

but when i looked at it on screen,

i realized it has some, even if it was not intentional.

the three ornaments seemed to sort of represent mr. b, me and isaac.

and the star at the top of the tree...

i guess that could represent the gift of God's son at christmas,

but also His gift to us of our son too.
just two christmases ago, we certainly did not expect

that we would ever be celebrating with a little guy in our home.

i hope to encourage anyone else out there that is waiting for something...

hoping for something...

wishing for something...

maybe even coming to expect that that something won't ever be.

take it from me.

it just might.

it very well could.

if you have stopped expecting,

i hope you'll start again.

"now faith is the assurance of things hoped for..."

we hoped to be parents one day.
on many of those days, hope dwindled.
but now... look what ornament is adorning our christmas 2011! . . .

like many of you, this is a busy month for me.
we have more visitors this coming weekend,
and i've got designs in the works,
and there are a lot of changes going on in my life that require preparation.

i'll be back for a couple special posts before the new year.
but other than that, i'm going to be keeping pretty busy.

i hope you are enjoying this season.
christmas day is just around the corner...
i hope you are finding the time to celebrate and enjoy it now as well as then.

~xo

my midnight stroll

2011-12-10T20:07:00.001-06:00

i thought i'd share the rest of my photos from my late-night walk . . .

i had posted one of the photos for my last "i'm thinkin'" post.

but i took so many more that night,

and before i resume my less-than-regular blogging,

i wanted to post the rest.

if i don't do it now, i know it will get away from me,

and the photos will be buried and forgotten.

i've always wanted to venture out during the holidays with my camera

to my city's historic downtown area near my house.

it's always decorated so nicely with streets lined in white lights

and store fronts filled to the brim with all things . . .

with a new lens and limitless subjects to practice on,

i waited until after isaac and mr. b went to bed,

and i finally did just that.

as i said in my last post... not a creature was stirring.

and it even started to snow before i headed home.

anyway, i was happy i braved the very frigid temperatures.

in fact, it felt almost blissful to feel the brisk wind on my face.

getting out is not something i do enough these days.

well, enough yappin' about it, right?

i'll just let the pictures say it all...

just how priceless some christmas solitude in the wee hours can be.

as i walked up and down the streets,

i found my time to be so many of the things

that i used to find in the holiday season as a child . . .

each shop had their own unique way of stringing the lights

or hanging the garland

or trimming the tree

or displaying their gems.

the beauty of it was...

i was the only one aware of my presence there,

unless someone should have happened upon my tracks after i had gone.

i have to admit... it was kind of nice to be alone for a change.

{although, i think isaac would have enjoyed the lights

if he had tagged along too.

but he was nestled all snug in his bed like a good little boy.}

so i got my fix... my holiday glitz and glitter fix.

it was almost as much fun

as when my parents would drive me and my four siblings

around the neighborhoods at christmas time

when we were little

to oooh and ahhh at all the brightly lit houses.

the brighter the lights,

the louder and longer the ooohs became.

now i can go into december 25th

with "walk downtown to take pictures of the lights"

checked off my list.

it was a great opportunity to practice some night-time photography.

but more than that, it was a slice of magic in my usually task- and schedule-driven day.

the only thing that could have made it better?...

had they been open for business at that odd hour,

a nice tall cup of something hot and chocolaty from here . . .

friday: i'm thinkin'...

2011-12-09T01:23:00.001-06:00

...that sometimes christmas shopping is less about wallets and standing in line,
and more about cameras and sneaking out to peek in all the windows when not a creature is stirring.

{a sweet friend of mine owns and runs this interiors store. i can't wait to show her how lovely her window looks at night after dark. they've got some talented window designers, no?}

i'm linkin' to some more thinkin'...

today is the last day of the "i'm thinkin'" series.

but that doesn't mean you can't join the fun for just one day.

let me know if you do... i'd love to see!

{i have tremendously enjoyed being a part of the group of bloggers who joined tracey in her series of "i'm thinkin'" posts. it has been the best way to be inspired and get my photography/blogging fix without having to do too much for each post during this busy month. thanks, tracey... thank you asking me to be a part of it. and thank you for the brilliant idea! you've inspired a little series of my own that i'd like to try and will be considering asking others to join some time in the future.}

thursday: i'm thinkin'

2011-12-08T00:54:00.001-06:00

there are two different men in my life...

but other than their ages and vocabulary banks, turns out they aren't really all that different.

{and i couldn't love each of them more.}

i'm linkin' to some more thinkin'...

there's still today and tomorrow to join in on the fun, if you want.

let me know!

wednesday: i'm thinkin'...

2011-12-07T00:31:00.001-06:00

... it's gonna be a very long time before my bathroom looks like it used to...

and i'm okay with that.

there are about fourteen other people thinkin' today...

the list keeps growin... but you should check them out, too!

{and it's not too late to join in yourself.

let me know in the comments that you want to participate.

i'll add you to that ever-growing list.}

tuesday: i'm thinkin'...

2011-12-05T23:42:00.001-06:00

... if i was martha.stewart.meets.kate.reddy,

i'd have made these lovely christmas trees myself.

but i'm not.

and i didn't.

aren't these gorgeous?

they could be made very simply, i would imagine.

i mean, they would take some time, to be sure.

but they would be simple enough for even someone like me!

just some styrofoam cones,

some cut pieces of cloth ribbon,

and some hot glue or floral pins...

and like i said...

time.

well, since i am a mama to a just-slightly-less-than-six-month-old
with little time for much of anything in the "crafty" department,

i supported a sweet friend's business

and bought these from her shop instead.
{she gave me a fabulous friend discount!}

i was in love with the vintage look of these the minute i saw them.

they fit nicely in the vintage tray on my side table next to the couch...

complete with a bird trinket leaned up against it.

they're the perfect addition to my mid-century modern home,

where i tend not to decorate with traditional christmas things,

but rather with more modern and stylized items.

for some reason,

i prefer the symbol of a stylized christmas tree

over a literal or realistic christmas tree.

call me crazy.

{i know this "i'm thinkin'" series is supposed to be one photo and only one line to go with.

but i couldn't keep my thoughts to just one line on this post.

i'm thinkin', i'll never learn the art of brevity.
*sigh*}

a linky list of the others who are also thinkin' this week {more added since yesterday}...

stacey

michelle

tracey

susan

heather

naomi

andrea

rose

jessica

liza

barbara

shawntae

do check them out!

would you like to join in too?
leave me a comment with a link to your thinkin' post,
and you will be added to the list!

monday: i'm thinkin'

2011-12-05T11:18:00.001-06:00

…some little boys aspire to be the pilot… mine?… he's thinkin', "why stop there? i'm gonna be the PLANE!!!"

blog friends who are thinkin’ too:

tracey

stacey

michelle

heather

rose

susan

andrea

naomi

if you wanna share some “thinkin” too, please follow along: one photo, one title (i’m thinkin’…), one sentence to complete the thought.

we will be doing this everyday this week! monday-friday.

leave a link to your post in the comment section that you’ve joined us, and i will add you to the list.

happy monday!

{kudos to tracey, for coming up with this brilliant idea of simple, quick blogging during the busy month of december!
and thanks for inviting me to be one of the thinkin'!}

it took him all of three photos into it before he got used to the whole idea

2011-11-30T02:54:00.001-06:00

1. "what is this strange green stuff with twinkles?"

2. "um, i think i'm gonna have to get used to this idea before i go exploring."

3. "ok. never mind. i'm goin' in!"

so, as i said in my post yesterday, we put up our christmas tree last saturday night. as you might imagine, this is a very exciting christmas for us! but more on that later.

since this is isaac's first christmas {post-birth}, i had the camera ready for the big "lighting of the tree". right after we plugged in the lights, i sat him down smack dab in front of it and raced to the couch to pick up my camera, sit down and start capturing his response. {and those three shots above really are the first three i took, just as the scene really unfolded.}

and then he was off!... off to a good half hour of pure enjoyment of a whole new world.

as you can see, i couldn't stop at just three photos... there were so many sweet little expressions to get and i could not pick only one adorable face out of the bunch. so i had to post them all {well, actually, i took so many more. but these shots turned out the best.}

anyway, as i said, this will be a special christmas for us. in fact, it will be the first time in a long time that we got really excited about celebrating it the way we did as kids. we were more excited than usual last year at christmas... just with anticipation of the arrival of our first child in the new year to come.

but this will be far more special. isaac is sitting up completely on his own now {even without the support of pillows and such around him}. so we feel like it will be lots of fun to have him around on christmas day. he may not remember it for a long time to come. but we will enjoy him more if he is sitting up with us... able to play and laugh and listen to the christmas tunes.

it is special for both mr. b and me. but i feel an extra special aspect to this time... because it was last year at about this time, that i announced my pregnancy, using this very tree to take photos for that post.

and though i already used "isaac is my gift this year" for my birthday in september, it fits here, too... this is our gift this year... so how appropriate that i should let him hang out under the tree {supervised, of course... don't worry, it's a fake tree}. i'm so grateful to have someone new to celebrate christmas with this year!

well, i guess that will wrap up my "thankful for" posts for the month. i wanted to do another, but i don't think i will get around to it. i'm bummed, 'cause after a short series that a blog friend of mine invited me to take part in, i won't be blogging much again. i've got projects in the works, and christmas to prepare for. and with the gratitude posts behind me, i'll be back to not blogging regularly again {not that it was a regular thing in november}.

anyway, the in-laws just spent their last evening here. they will head back to florida in the morning, and they will be greatly missed. we are already planning our next trip down there. i think we'll be going sooner than we thought. we have other relatives that really want to meet isaac. he is growing so fast, so we feel a sense of urgency to get down there soon.

tomorrow is december, and i am ready for it. i'm so excited to make christmas as magical as it can be. i want isaac to have great memories of his first christmas... they may not stick in his mind, but i'll be sure to capture it with the "pen" and lens so that he can relive them some day.

my hope for him is that he senses the wonder of the reason we celebrate.

stay warm, all! see you around in december.

{it's not just another day... cultivate gratitude... begin by opening your eyes and be surprised that you have eyes you can open} + {maple walnut apple crisp}

2011-11-28T12:49:00.001-06:00

i was looking forward to winding down the holiday weekend with a day of rest and relaxation yesterday. however, the day started pretty tough for me. it was begun with somewhat of a blindside to my resolve. and almost the entire day, it threatened to dampen any joy i felt or any gratitude i had been cultivating over the past few days.

in fact, i wrote a lot about it just now, but then i decided to delete all but the first paragraph {above}. i just won't go into it here and now. but i wanted to at least share a video about gratitude and some yumminess in the form of a thanksgiving recipe today.

the video below was sent to me by my husband's aunt the day after thanksgiving. i did not get a chance to watch it until sunday night. but it turned out to be a good time for me to see it. after the discouraging day i had, this helped me on multiple levels.

i'll preface it by saying this... i don't know what this speaker's views or beliefs are, but i am pretty certain we don't share the exact same world view {based on a couple things he said}. but that is not why i am sharing the video. i am sharing it, because as i love photography, i find the images in it very beautiful and moving. and the core message of the video {to be grateful for so much that we often take for granted} put with those images was inspiring and quieting and thought-provoking.

it's not just a "be grateful for what we take for granted" message. it's sort of a "put people in their place" message. everyone has a story. everyone has difficult parts of their lives. some more than others. some more visible than others. but no one is alone in experiencing mistakes, pain and heartache... some even catastrophic. but it's what you do with it that counts, i think. this video speaks to that... and it's a universal message for everyone, no matter what you believe.

the video is almost ten minutes long, so if you want to lessen your viewing time a bit, i suggest skipping to the 2 minute and 38 seconds mark, and start viewing from there. before that point, the speaker is basically sharing that he is a photographer who specializes in time-lapsed photography and what he believes is meant about the way people respond to his art/craft.

there are so many things in this that struck me... i thought the little girl's words were profound. and they made me want to turn off that television of mine for good. for me. for isaac. for the world around me. i want to explore life much more intentionally. i want to walk down paths to discover beaches at the end. if you know me well, you know i love paths and photographs of them. this video has made me want to start a photography series on paths and what lies at the end of them.

i had to chuckle at her finger in the nose as she was saying "it makes you wanna go deeper in..." {*smile*} anyway, i just found what she said to be very inspiring. it's amazing how the thoughts and words of a child can sometimes wake up us adults.

but what i found the most inspiring {and convicting} were the words of the aging man in the last half of the video. if we merely wake up each day with the ability to see, we are blessed. and yet, we have so much more than just that. and to treat each day in gratitude as if it were our first and last is some of the best advice i have ever heard. if people did this, there would be a lot less blame and criticizing and bashing and beating up and hurting and senseless tearing down.

yes, it's a simplified way of looking at the world or life. but i have to say... what is wrong with simplifying things? isn't their enough complication in the world? could it be that if we are so filled with gratitude for what we do have, we won't let bitterness take root and grow and fester and choke out all life and joy?

my beliefs point me to the bible verses that speak to this... "give thanks in all circumstances"... "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

i know this post is getting long... just one more thing about the video... i loved what the man said about the sky and clouds. if you have been reading here a while, you know how much i love {and am fascinated by} clouds. so what he says about them resonates very much with me.

in fact, much of the video hit home for me, because it is what i want the essence of my blog to be... through my words and through my photographs... gratitude. wonder. seeing. amazement. and even though i am not blogging regularly {don't know how ANY mom has the time to}, i will make the biggest effort i can to log in and post about that... as often as i can. especially, like i previously stated, during the month of november.

with that, there's only a few days left of the month, and i have a few last gratitudes to share {above, below, and a couple more things tomorrow and the next day}.

so... now for the yummy part... finally!

last thanksgiving was sort of a bummer for me. i was in my first trimester of pregnancy, and food did not sound at all good to me, as i was unable to keep any of it down. i spent the day alone with mr. b, and i was sad that i was not with family. it was a difficult day. but the thanksgiving before that was a really wonderful day. food is always such a fun part of thanksgiving... and a true blessing and gift i am grateful for {even if there was nothing else to celebrate that day}. it's something so many go without, so that alone should keep us from complaining.

anyway, because i'm so busy now with a baby who is in constant need, i opted for a more simple dessert this year. four years ago, my mother-in-law gave me this book {below} on thanksgiving.

it's just a collection of recipes, but there are also pages to write down memories of family gatherings or put photos. since i already have a blog, i use it for my recording of memories and photos instead. but the recipes still come in very handy... especially the one i chose this year.

it's so simple! {who doesn't want simple, especially when it can still be delicious!}

so, i made the maple walnut apple crisp dish on page 87.

this is what it is supposed to look like when all done and served. i just made it last night, and i'll be serving it tonight when my parents-in-law come over for dinner. {they are staying at a hotel in town.} yes... i was a little late getting this thanksgiving dish made. it was supposed to be made on thursday for the feast... but things don't always go as planned. anyway, we'll see if it looks like the photo above... tonight, all warmed up and complete with a nice cold, melting scoop of vanilla goodness on top.

i decided to take advantage of my new lens and all the light it lets in to take some photos of my crisp-making adventure... something i could not do well with my old lens, as there is little bright and natural light in my kitchen. it was some good practice time with this lens.

i loved how all the golden-peachish colors played with the greens. and those apples looked so delicious in the bowl, it was all i could do to not eat them as is right out of the bowl.

well, i won't torture you any longer. without further ado...

i'm not gonna share the recipe verbatim... you know... copyright laws.

but i will say this... this is such an easy recipe {no "from scratch" here, but every bit as yummy!}

basically, you can't go wrong with it if you add the basics and then play around with the rest. to get that maple flavor, use about four packets of maple & brown sugar instant oatmeal. and for those gorgeous apples i took pics of above, use a couple cans of apple pie filling.

and if you want to get really creative...

or any combination of the above.

and for more texture and chew...

like i said, you can't go wrong. if you want, add some cinnamon or nutmeg. don't forget some walnuts {or a nut of your choosing} and a little over a half stick of melted butter. mix it all together, put it in an 8" square foil pan {the other really easy part!}, and cook it at about 400°F for about a half hour.

i modified the recipe slightly, because it calls for making your own syrup to add to plain canned apples. instead, i just bought apple pie filling that comes with the thick syrup already. that way, the maple syrup that the recipe calls for can be saved for drizzling over the scoop of vanilla on top.

basically, the pre-cooked crisp looks almost the same as the cooked version.

but if you do it right, the cooked version will be a little more golden brown on top.

when i have made cobblers and crisps in the past, i sprinkled a little bit of cinnamon sugar on the top just before the baking was done... it adds a delicious {almost burnt} caramelized flavor to it. try it!

speaking of trying it, i can't wait to try this crisp tonight! my mouth is watering just looking at it now... and i can attest that it tastes delicious, because i sneaked a little corner of the crisp into my mouth before i went to bed last night. shhhh...

well, i guess that's about it for this very long post. i hope you enjoyed my better-late-than-never contributions to thanksgiving and gratitude-celebrating. {keep in mind, the recipe may be too late to use for thanksgiving, but it will still work great for all the christmas and new year festivities to come.} here is a little glimpse of what else i have for november thankfulness in the next couple of days...

obviously, we put up the tree... but i'll share more about how special it was with a little squirt to share it with for the first time.

i hope you had a great holiday weekend... and have a great week!

a few more thankfuls before november turns december

2011-11-26T14:38:00.001-06:00

i'm

i love to watch him while he is with his family...
it's a side of him i don't always get to see.
laughter always ensues when they are all together,
and it is a joy to watch.

long days of traveling and visiting with family away from home

are so much easier when you have a very helpful husband.

he has always been so great about sharing equal "duty"

since isaac has been born.

and he has the best attitude while he is at it.
{usually... just like i usually do. *wink*}

of course, playing with him is the easy part.
but then there are the less-than-fun responsibilities,
and he takes part in both... and very well, i might add.
i'm so thankful he's an involved dad.
there are several more photos of him with isaac below...
you can definitely see how much he loves being a dad.

anyway... i'm also

not for me, of course... for isaac.

{isn't she cute?}

this is mr. b's brother's little girl.
this is only the second time they have met.
but it was more like the first,
because the first time, i think isaac was too young to realize
that there was another little squirt in his midst.
this time, he sensed it and rather enjoyed it!
well... most of the time.
there might have been a few moments that he was not quite sure about the whole scenario.

which brings me to my third thankful...
i'm

i'm sorry, but i have to admit something... i LOVE when isaac gets sad or scared.
'cause that's when this beyond adorable look comes across his face...
THE POUT
the ever-endearing pout.
i've always loved it on babies.
but it's even more extra-adorable when it's on your own kiddo.
i could look at that face all day long.
he just started making this face regularly... it's his new thing.
and he's got some pretty hilarious sounds that accompany it, too.

anyway, all in all, it was a very fun thanksgiving out at mr. b's brother's home.
we had a lovely time... truly.

isaac got a teeny bit cranky when he could not hold {or drink?} dad's beer.

but other than that, he was a pretty happy camper.
{sorry for the blurry pics... i'm still learning the new lens.}

at times, i think he was almost over-stimulated... so much to look at... so many more people than he is accustomed to.

but he really did enjoy his cousin.
it's one of the first times since he has become very personable
that he has had a chance to play with and observe another baby.
can you believe they are nine months apart?
isaac is almost as big as his cousin!

isaac loved his grandpa {mr. b's dad}!
it made me a little sad to watch them giggle together...
wishing isaac could have met my dad, and vice versa.
but that sadness did not take away from the joy of watching him
interact with his grandparents and really taking to them.
they saw him one other time before this...
they came up from florida shortly after he was born.
at five months old, i think he enjoyed this visit much more!

he also loves his aunt {my sis-in-law}.
she is super smily and talkative,
so i think isaac really perked up whenever she would talk to him or play with him.

here is a family shot i took with the tripod.
that little turkey... he was the only one not looking at the camera.
i guess he only has eyes for mama.

and what precious eyes they are...

they are just one more thing i'm so thankful for.

{oh, those ears, too!

those ears, those ears, those ears!

and that peach fuzz on his head...

that sweet little mouth...

that button nose...

that wonder in his expression...

i could go on and on!}

well, we hope you had a nice thanksgiving this year.

and we hope you survived black friday.

{we stayed in for ours... other than a short drive to the lake}.

enjoy the rest of your weekend!

PEACE OUT!
=)

thankful for good things in small packages

2011-11-24T09:44:00.001-06:00

... was inside this small package.

{not the smallest package i've ever received, but still relatively small.

small by dimensions... not by the value it held.}

the box said STOP!

ummm...

i can't even tell you how patiently {most of the time}

i have waited for this upgrade and boost
to my photography inspiration and passion
{and hopefully to my livelihood, too!}.

or...

the af-s nikkor 50mm f/1.4g lens i have been wanting for so long!

bought mostly with money i received for my 40th birthday...

along with a little money i got from a design project i did.

it was soooooooo worth the wait!

i instantly loved my new lens

and couldn't wait to use it.

so that's just what i did.

i removed the kit lens that came with the camera i have

{which is what i used to take the above photos of my new lens}

and put the new one on

to start taking pictures of anything within a three-foot radius of me

{i was in the living room}...

like my favorite plant and isaac's new toy box

{toys are scattered no more... see last post}...

and my favorite guy's {mr. b's} guitar...

and my favorite snuggly blanket on the couch...

and issac's toys atop his toy box

reflected so whimsically in the coffee table glass...

and of course... little isaac.

admiring his dad's guitar here...

{he's gonna be a guitarist for sure!}

just hangin' out on the couch here...

well, i won't write too much more about my lens here.

i'm guessing {or hoping} my little photo series tells the whole story.

but i just have to say,

i could not be more grateful

that i received my new lens yesterday...

just in time for thanksgiving.

we'll be spending the day with mr. b's brother's family

and their mom and dad who are up from florida.

isaac will be seeing his baby cousin, lucy, for the second time.

what a great excuse to use my new lens!

i'm grateful to have the lens, period...

not just today, but EVERY day.

the above photos could not have been taken with my old lens

because of the low amount of natural light in my home.

they would have been blurry if i had tried.

but with this new lens, i've got so much more flexibility!

and it's giving me the most dreamy d.o.f.!

i'm so thrilled.

lastly, i am so thankful for the things you see in these photos...

my home.

my family.

isaac's toys.

mr. b's toy.

{guitar}

and my new toy!

even the blanket on the couch...

it represents warmth.

literal warmth, when snuggled up underneath it.

the warmth of a home that shelters us in the cold.

the warmth of the love we have for each other.

i have so much!

and i am truly grateful.

today.

every day.

what a wonderful "first thanksgiving" morning with isaac

it has been around our home today.

i woke up and got started on this post.

brewed a cup of coffee.

walked past the bedroom to see mr. b and isaac

sleeping in, content as can be.

when isaac finally woke up,

mr. b. and i went in to greet him

and wish him a happy first thanksgiving.

we had such a sweet time of giggling

and telling him how grateful we are for him...

that he is healthy, beautiful and happy.

asking him what he was thankful for...

"mommy kisses?"

"parents that don't give you away even though you wake them up a thousand times each night?"

{*wink*}

"all your cute baby clothes?"

"yummy food?"

"mommy and daddy?"

"toys?"

"how much you are loved?"

we had the nicest time,

just hangin' out on the bed for a little while.

now, we're all getting ready for our trip to the city to see family.

i'll be sure to get some photos.

and i still have more photos from my

"first photo shoot of isaac with the new lens" session

from yesterday.

but until then,

the best "good thing in a small package"
i have ever received
has a little message for you...

love, isaac

{and his mama, too!}

thankful for the scattered {part 1}

2011-11-17T19:25:00.001-06:00

for

even though they're no longer on trees,
still beautiful.

scattered, but almost as if intentionally placed and perfectly so.

also,

for

because when i think about it,
they're really just his

and they're not just his joys...

they are every bit as much mine, too.

so what at first seems like a yard to clean up
and a floor to pick up...
they are really just scattered joys.

. . .

sometimes this word gets negative attention...

but in these last few days of autumn,
with all the leaves fallen from the trees and covering our walks and driveways,
and in these first several days of infancy,
with all the toys strewn about, blocking our living space,
i treasure the scattered.

i treasure what and who it is that brought the scattered about.

this november eighteenth,

i'm thankful for the toys and the leaves... for the color inside and out.

i'm thankful for you, sweet boy.

day eight... starting late

2011-11-08T12:48:00.000-06:00

i always have the intention each november to do a "thirty days of thankfulness" {or "gratitude"} series. of course, i have so much to be thankful for all year 'round. but it seems like the pace of november lends itself to posting each day about those things. here it is the eighth of november, though... i was on a blog break when november rolled around.

as i think back over the last year, i know there were many times {not just in november} that i wrote about all that i have to be thankful for. so i won't get down on myself too much for forgetting to do this series once again. instead, i'll just give myself this goal... to write down {or blog about} all things i can think of to be thankful for as they come to me throughout this month.

i've heard a lot of complaining lately... it's everywhere you go, it seems. and i am sure i have had my share of it. but i often stop in my tracks and realize that i have it pretty good when i look at some of the stories of people who truly have something to complain about. these people {i.e., those who lost their homes to a tsunami or tornado or fire, or those who never knew their parents because they were gunned down by a corrupt government, or those who were born with terminal or debilitating illnesses, etc...} must look at people like me who have it good and shake their heads when they see us complain about certain things.

i don't think it's possible to find a single person who can say they never have complaints. but there are certainly those who limit their complaints to a few. i want to be one of those people. i want to be so busy celebrating the good things i have that i don't have time to complain about the bad things.

one of my favorite quotes is by a man {i don't recall his name, but he was interviewed on television quite a bit a few years back} who was told he has a.l.s. and was dying. in his interview about his illness and the ever-growing limitations that it placed on him, he said "you can either celebrate what you can do, or you can mourn what you can't."

that struck me so much... made me want to celebrate all that i have, am, can have, can be, can do. it's the reason i wrote this post back in may of 2009 {shortly after the last day of my job that i was laid off from}.

i don't want to be a complainer! i have heard a whole lot of complaining in the past year... from several people. and what's worse, i think complaining is contagious. but what is even more contagious is gratitude and celebration {although, i think some people who are ridden with complaint can't catch the gratitude bug until they seek healing from the complaining disease they have.} even if you can't "infect" others with your thankful and celebratory attitude, you can further infect yourself... the more you think about and verbalize all that you have to be thankful for, the more thankful you are... the less you complain about the yuck stuff.

trust me... i have a whole lot to feel down about... to vent about... to complain about. there are many things i am facing or going through that could cause me to lose heart and be downright mad or lose faith. but i sooooo badly don't want to live there. when i see myself getting close, i have to remind myself where it is i want to live... in joy, gratitude, awe, amazement, faith, happiness, lightheartedness, hope, enthusiasm, positive thinking... not head-in-the-clouds. just making the best of things, even in the midst of trouble or heartache or pain or weariness.

that's why i chose this photo {besides the fact that it is raining on this chilly fall day}. it's sort of dark {like today} and it's clearly wet and cold {like today}, but there is still beauty in it... the beautiful colors of wonderfully symmetric leaves. even in the darkest of days, there is something to be thankful for. i won't ignore the bad things in life. they need to be dealt with, for sure. but i am making an effort... this month {and always}... to keep from complaining about them and express gratitude in place of the complaints.

in fact, i was just thinking about something this morning... how it was so good of God to give me a son... i guess i could stop right there... i am grateful to have him, period... end of sentence. but what is additional cause for celebration is that he gave me a son who is so well-mannered and easy to deal with! i feel very blessed about that. and this morning, i thought about how thankful i am for that, because there are so many other things right now that are huge disappointments in my life. i feel that i am blessed to have that extra-special gift... one less thing to worry about or wear on me as i go through these other difficult things.

i can't imagine having a fussy, hard to deal with child while i get through these other things. it's a joy to have him, but a bonus to have him not being difficult in these months... he really is an angel. i would not know how good i have it when it comes to him unless i had heard and read what it is like for moms with some babies. i would just think that isaac is the norm. but the older he gets, the more i realize how blessed i am to have a very happy and easy-to-raise baby. and that is my bright spot {my colorful leaf} in the midst of the rain.

just last night, mr. b, isaac and i had {what i felt was} the best night yet since isaac was born. the chicago bears played for monday night football, and we all sat together in the man cave on an old beat-up {but comfortable} couch with lots of pillows and cushions and blankets and watched the game together. isaac was in the best mood. he giggled a lot. he climbed around on us. he watched the game. he fell asleep contentedly in my arms. he watched us and observed his surroundings with wonder. it was just such a magical night... the most fun i have had yet as a family.

and as he gets older and has to "conquer" new things, i see how well he handles everything. the very first time we fed him solids, he handled it like a pro!... it took no getting used to. {that's just one example}. he's a good sleeper. he's a fast learner. and everywhere i go, people comment about how good his disposition is {from day one} and how happy he seems. again... i would have thought that is how every baby is. but as i read or hear from other moms, it's not always the case. so i feel tremendous gratitude for that. and even if every baby was like he is, i am still grateful!

i guess i could go on and on about the things i am grateful for when it comes to isaac. but this post is already so lengthy. and i have about 22 more days to express my gratitude, so i'll save some for later.

verbalizing my gratitude is a great excuse to get back on my blog and write! so i plan to do just that {when i have the time} this month. it's the best antidote for the blues or the temptation to complain. don't you think?

so happy to bee so

2011-11-02T03:01:00.000-05:00

as promised, here are some pics of isaac all dressed up for his first halloween! as i said in my last post, i'm not a big fan of halloween {especially all the horror films and other like things that are associated with halloween}. but just like i did when i was a kid, i can get enthusiastic about isaac dressing up and going out trick-or-treat-ing for candy! {oh, who am i kidding? we all know that candy was for me!}

mr. b is not like me when it comes to the end-of-october festivities. he's much more of a fan of it all. and he does get into the scary horror flicks... not just in october, but all year. so it should be interesting to see which one of us isaac will gravitate toward when it comes to halloween. i'm sure as a kid, he'll get on board with the candy aspect... and maybe even the dressing in a costume part. but i'm curious who he will be more like as an adult when halloween rolls around each year.

well, anyway... he's just a little guy, now, and a little bee costume {complete with little translucent wings on the back} never hurt anyone... even if the person wearing it has no clue what is going on.

our little halloween excursion was so sweet. we took isaac to our historic downtown on monday afternoon, where all the shops and restaurants were handing out candy to all the little kids in costumes {or big kids {{*ehem*... me}} that were not in costume}. he was quite out of it... either sleepy, or too young to understand what all the hoopla was about. in fact, he fell asleep, as he often does in his stroller. and when he wasn't sleeping, he held a blank stare... i think because he was a bit over-stimulated by all the commotion and the {what seemed like} hundreds of sugar-buzzed children running around in crazy attire. *wink*

but when we arrived back home and took him out of the stroller, we grabbed some snapshots to forever preserve the memory of his very first halloween and costume. i look more forward to his first christmas than i did to halloween... but even i have to admit, it's fun when kids are all dressed up as adorable little tigers and princesses and police men and bunnies and bees... etc.!

it was too difficult to choose just one photo of him. i thought he was so cute in them all! so here are the rest. obviously, they were not all taken by me, as i am in some of the shots. and i wasn't very technically savvy with the shots i did take. so i thought i would put all my effort into the processing, instead... make black-and-whites, but preserve the black and yellow stripes of his bee costume.

enjoy!

{"hey, mom... this is sort of fun!"}

{"whatchyou lookin' at, dad?"}

{"yep! i'm cute, and i know it!"}

{"yo!... wussup?"}

{"um, mom? haven't we taken enough pictures of me in this silly thing?"}

{"yeah... good luck getting me to carry that crazy owl purse around! candy sack, my eye!"}

{"yep... i'm still cute!"}

{"hey mom! i bet my smile is more gummy than yours!"}

{"did you think maybe i'd stop being cute? if so, you thought wrong!"}

{"okay, i guess this trick-or-treat thing isn't all that bad. let's do it again next year!"}

{"oh, look! a car!"}

{"awww shucks... gosh... golly... really? you think i'm cute too?"}

{"oh, look! a squirrel!"}

{"mommy kisses!!! i like mommy kisses!... so much so, i blow bubbles to show it! and i buzz like a bee!"}

ghostly

2011-10-31T03:15:00.001-05:00

if you know me well, you know i am not a very big fan of halloween. don't get me wrong... i used to live for october 31st when i was a little squirt. i couldn't wait to get my hands on bucket-loads of free candy... enough to last me through the next spring! {i can't believe i still have all my teeth.} and i'm not even opposed {for the most part} to dressing up for costume parties {although i don't think i have been to one of those since high school}.

but if i had to give up a holiday or two, halloween would definitely be at the top of my list. i just can't see celebrating things that are dark or creepy or scary or even downright sinister {which is what it seems like a lot of the grown-up halloween festivities have come to be about}. i don't think we are supposed to think about such things. so i'm just not a fan.

that said, every once in a while, i happen to take photos that turn out very ethereal or ghost-like... and those, i am a fan of. most of the time, they are just "oops" photos {like the one above, which was taken at a summer barbeque... i was trying to take a photo of two of mr. b's friends, and the camera did not focus. i love how they look... almost extraterrestrial-esque}. i've been wanting to use this photo somehow in a post for a while. i figured today is as good of a day as any.

then there are the images that i purposefully try to give an ethereal vibe to... like this one:

remember this from last february when i was pregnant?... a self-portrait i took on one of the only days i dressed up throughout the entire pregnancy... after i got home from a wedding. because the camera was on a timer, i thought i'd play around with movement and intended to take a photo that showed that movement. but i had no idea it would look so ghost-like, too.

here is another oops photo i took of my sister a few years ago. this time, instead of the subject moving, it was the camera/photographer that moved. i loved the resulting effect!

these are all so different from each other, but all have an almost eery feel. so, as i said, though i am not really celebrating or acknowledging today's holiday {except for putting isaac in an adorable little bee outfit... i'll try to post some pics of him in it later this week}, i figured today was as good a day as any to post these photos... if not better.

anyway, i guess this isn't really an update... there's just not much new "stuff" to update on. but i thought i'd pop in anyway. i hope you have a great day, holiday or not. may it be filled with lots of treats, and no tricks.

no matter how hard you try to hold on...

2011-10-26T03:34:00.002-05:00

didjya catch that little play on words? {*wink*... i had to call attention to it, because i feel like the words in the photo almost get lost in the leaves.} this photo was taken a few weeks ago. now, things look much different around here. there are a lot more leaves gone from the trees. this is always a sad thing for me... autumn is my favorite season, and i very much hate to see it go.

i guess we have several official days of fall remaining. but for me, fall {or autumn} is in the pretty sights, warm feelings and scrumptious scents parts of the season... the "leaves are all still on the trees, but really bright and colorful" part... the "crisp, cool air and bluest sky" part... the "smells of wood burning in a fireplace" part... the "taste of pumpkin spiced lattes or caramel apple cider with whipped cream" part... the "favorite snuggly sweater" part. and though i might smell the fires and taste the spiced lattes for quite some time yet, the leaves won't be around for too much longer. and for that, i am sad.

i enjoyed the colorful leaves for a bit. but i found myself indoors with isaac for much of that stretch... trying to finish up a design project. trying to finally complete his nursery {yes... i was still working on that... transforming his closet into a little reading nook / library!}, trying to keep up with my home, trying to adjust to the constant changes of baby and motherhood.

in fact, many of the above reasons {especially the design project} are why i am suffering from a vicious cycle of insomnia... or rather, going to bed terribly late because i had a couple nights of incurable insomnia that set me off into an inevitable pattern of sleeping in on those mornings after my sleepless nights, which only made me not tired at my usual bed time the next night, which made me be up all night, which made me sleep late again... you get the picture.

{totally worth it, though, because that design project is going to help pay for my new camera lens, which will help me with my photography, which will help me get some photography gigs, which will help me make money... you see? not all chains of events associated with this design project are bad... *ehem* i.e. sleep deprivation-causing!}

it's past three in the morning right now, and i hoped that putting up a blog post would be my cure for insomnia... so i dug up a recent fall leaves photo i took of a street in the quaint downtown just blocks from where i live and played around with some processing. i like how the photo turned out! but i was still wide awake! then i thought, "surely, typing a post will make me sleepy."... nope! still wide awake! {oh, boy... if this keeps up, i might be back to blogging every ~~day~~ night! oh, please, no!... i would rather sleep each night, than blog... even with as much as i miss blogging!}

i guess i could look at the bright side of it... i have the time and quiet to focus on a blog post. it's nice to use this time when no creatures are stirring. the insomnia from a few nights ago afforded me time to keep working on my blog makeover. {i cleaned it up a little, if you hadn't noticed. i'm trying to go for a less cluttered look... i've a ways to go, yet, before it's done.} you may have noticed there is no photo in my header now. this is a first for me... words only... just a title... not even a subtitle anymore! i got rid of the last banner/header {below}.

i figured the minimal header would help give this space a simpler, cleaner look, which is what i wanted. it is what i have wanted for my blog for a while, but just never made a priority of it.

anyway, the design project is now done! and i'm happy to take a breather. not much is new to update... the biggest thing is that isaac ate his first solid food meal today!!! a little bit of rice cereal with some added liquid vitamins to supplement his normal nursing. it was so exciting, and he did REALLY well with it! {this is another reason i really miss blogging every day... i don't want to not record all these small {{or big}} milestones.} i'm sad to say, i did not get a photo of him eating his first solid meal. i'll try to get one tomorrow. i just can't believe how quickly my little man is becoming less and less little and more and more grown!

well, i think i might be rambling, now... a sure sign i am getting tired. i'm going to give sleeping a go, now. i've got a friend and her son visiting tomorrow. if i don't get some sleep now, i won't be in a very hospitable frame of mind.

so with that, i say good ~~night~~ morning and wish you a good day. i hope you are enjoying the last few pretty days of fall before they flutter away.

the certainty of motherhood

2011-10-21T23:43:00.001-05:00

i had not intended to write today... or any time soon, for that matter. but i found myself filled with an urge to write down my thoughts during and just after my noon-time nursing of isaac.

you see, i had cried while i was nursing him. in four months, this was a first. i have cried while holding isaac, looking at isaac, sitting alone and thinking about isaac. but never before today had i cried while nursing him. and it's not that everything i was pondering that led me to cry was entirely new. i was thinking a lot about how i am what sustains this child... without me or the nourishment i give to him, he would not survive. of course, i know he could live by another means if he was to not nurse on his own mother's milk. he would have to. but it is by me that he is nourished and has been these four months. i am the one... my own flesh is what has allowed him to thrive like he has.

anyway, those were not new thoughts. but they were thoughts that, today, brought tears to my eyes... even soft whimpers to my breath. it was because it hit me differently today. today, while in the midst of a couple battles against things that are much bigger than me, while dealing with quite a lot of disappointment in so many areas of my life, while feeling overwhelmed and completely inadequate in keeping up in every area, while wanting all that is wrong and broken to be right and mended, while feeling as if absolutely nothing in life is certain or guaranteed, i felt so anchored in the fact that there is one certainty that can not be denied... i am this boy's mother. and it is i who has literally kept him alive and sustained.

and though this could be viewed as mere fact... simple biology... i saw it as more than that. i saw in this a great purpose for my life right now. and with so much uncertainty all around, that was one giant, yet a still, small certainty that brought me to tears. you can't know what a comfort it was to me. but i can try to explain... and that i have done.

nursing is always such a tender and intimate moment for me that i treasure anyway. today, it was that much more. not every time that i nurse are the surroundings silent and peaceful {though i strive for that}. but today, when i cried, it was. and it was a markedly different time of nursing than all the rest. i will always remember it.

that is why i decided to use these photos for this post. normally, i like to limit the photographs that i use here to the ones i have taken myself... since it is a blog for my photography {and writing}. but today, not only would i not have been able to take shots like these if i was to be in them {unless i used a tripod}, but i would not have made images quite so beautiful and telling the way my dear friend stacey could.

i was amazed when she sent these photos to me as a birthday gift... utterly amazed. i cried when i saw them, because they captured one of the most incredibly beautiful acts that i have ever been privileged to do... nurse a child... my child. and she wrote about it beautifully, herself, here.

you might remember me writing about stacey recently... how i had the honor and delight to meet her in person for the first time when she visited chicago. i took isaac to the city with me to meet her for lunch. afterward, we decided we'd like to walk to the lake, but i knew i had to feed isaac first. she was kind enough to allow me to use her hotel room to nurse isaac before we went walking. it was very unplanned to have these photos taken, but she saw an opportunity to capture a cherished moment, and she did so beautifully, in my opinion. i was in awe of how she used the light in the room to tell such a quiet and tender story. she is an amazing {one of my favorites} photographer. how honored i am to have been photographed in this moment by her.

can you see why i just had to make use of them today? actually, i had intended on just sharing a link to them in a post back before i decided to stop blogging regularly. but i never got around to it. today, it seemed fitting... not just to link to them, but to actually post them with my words. i really wanted a place to come back to where i could find these thoughts from today paired with the images from a few weeks ago.

. . .

here are a few more she took.

he is one content little peanut after he has filled up that tummy of his. can you tell?